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Comment by trevorishere | Hacker News Reader

Eating out alone really hurts. It makes you feel that much more _alone_ because nearly everyone else is with their SO, a party, friend, etc. Bringing a phone is only a distraction to get through waiting for the meal to arrive.

I dislike it more than being alone at home.

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It's interesting the disparity in our experiences. I absolutely relish the chance to have an hour entirely to myself, get a nice meal without cleaning up after, have a beer or two, watch Netflix!

I also used to be a consultant, so there's that...

You watch Netflix in a restaurant?

I'll usually listen to podcasts when alone as a restaurant. If I've got a wall seat where video won't distract people, I'll certainly sometimes bring up youtube/netflix. Might be a bit rude to the other patrons depending on the restaurant to watch videos in their view while eating.

Why are you so surprised, though? Am I supposed to just sit there and stare at the wall?

This is a pretty tone-deaf response. If you rarely get an hour alone, that means you're around others all the time, most likely a family and some good friends. While the poster you responded to is a solitary, lonely person. For you, dining alone is a respite, for him it is an amplification of his loneliness. Your inability to conceive of such a person and your brushing aside of his feelings is the exact thing that makes loneliness painful.

jakey_bakey to a homeless person: "Why so down? I absolutely relish the chance to go camping, sleep outdoors, cook a meal over a real fire. Isn't it interesting the disparity in our experiences?"

Thanks for sharing. That's a rough situation, and I hope you can get past it somehow. I have always regarded a meal out alone as a wonderful thing, or at least until I got too fat to make that a good life choice. I used it as an ideal time to study, and studying helped me be a success. Later it was doubly enjoyable: I could study, and I knew that had helped me move forward in life. For that reason I am just as happy to be at Del Taco or McDonald's as a fine dining establishment. Actually more happy b/c no wait staff to interrupt.

Wow, I had forgotten! Used to feel that way before I had SO. Even after breaking up, it just didn't matter after that.

Thanks for the memory. Also, I'd have to say, you'll probably feel much more comfortable in time. But I admit, I don't go anywhere without a few books on my phone - just in case. ;)

I don’t understand this perspective at all. Being alone is fantastic. I’m going to hazard a guess that you’ve never been in a relationship and so are effectively forced to spend time alone which at this point is associated with painful feelings for you.

I was in a relationship for 18 years.

Is being alone at home really a bad thing?

Can't see where OP phrased it that way. What I read was "Eating out alone really hurts." This person was expressing feelings, not passing judgment.

Is sharing one's feelings really a bad thing?

> I dislike it more than being alone at home.

That seems like it is phrased that way? I'm not saying it's wrong to feel that way, it was just a question if even being alone at home is really such a bad thing.

Seems reasonable that people could have wildly different feelings about being at home alone.

Not always, until the quietness and boredom sets in. You can only play games/watch YT/reddit/HN for so long.

I love being alone in the forest, though. I seek solitude on back logging roads -- places where people don't normally hike because it isn't 'pretty'.

Being alone in that context is freeing.

Does it hurt because you have the societal expectation that people really care whether you're alone? If so, disabuse yourself of that notion, because it's patently false.

No, I don't experience the judgement effect.

Ended a very long relationship.

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