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The problem is not interrupting someone with a request to talk. The problem is doing so without specifying what we need to talk about.

BAD: Hey, can we talk? (spooky, puts receiver "on hold", slow async communication)

GOOD: Hey, can we talk about scheduling the next deployment? (not spooky, gives receiver agency, gets to the point fast)

> After all, they may currently be in the middle of doing something and would prefer not to be disturbed. OTOH, a message is already a disturbance [...]

That is what has not sunken in yet in our new and fancy asynchronous world.

> Either way, providing a hint of what you want to talk about, e.g. "hey, can we talk about that spline reticulation issue?" is of course much better.

This is the big thing. "Don't be spooky" doesn't mean "interrupt me freely", it means "tell me cagey, coy, or avoidant and tell me what you want asynchronously before we start a conversation".