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Comment by yosito | Hacker News Reader

The thing that I've learned is that dating apps are nothing more than casino games. Lots of colorful flashy buttons that you pay to frantically click on hoping to get lucky, even though you know the system was engineered to keep you pushing buttons and spending money.

I'd say the market is ripe for disruption, but in terms of profit potential, the casino games are probably going to be the winning model for awhile.

I have some friends who started a relatively niche dating app that is genuinely focused on connecting people, without games of luck, and though the app itself is not really a 5-star app in terms of design and development (don't tell them I said that), the fact that it's genuinely focused on connecting people has made it my preferred app in my very small dating niche. I'm not really sure if the same is possible on a mainstream scale.

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I used OkCupid back when OkStats (their statistics blog) still existed (and found my wife, though the 9000 km distance made things harder). But what I quickly realized, was that by simply not being an asshole, you’d get great response rates.

I’d always see "responds rarely" and then get quick responses almost every time. I was an overweight student. When asked, they usually said that most people don’t even give the impression of having read the profile before sending a message.

I wonder if there is still a dating site nowadays that values depth over swiping pictures left/right (I never used Tinder, didn’t even know people used it for dating instead of hookups until a few years ago), from what I’ve heard OKC went further down the instant gratification route as well.

I have also had better luck by reading and referencing OkCupid profiles.

My last relationship lasted 7 years, so it wasn't a terrible match.

Going back to look at it though: I put a lot of effort into my messages, maybe 2-3 per day because each message took about 20-30 minutes to craft; but my response rate was about 1:10 and my date rate was ~about 1:100.

Maybe one date every 2-3 months is so few that you put a lot of effort into each one and then, likely, come across as desperate, even if you click.

Might be a cultural thing, but those numbers all seem high to me. I spent less time on fewer messages and zero dates (but then for me, a date is only a tiny step away from a steady relationship) ;)

I used Hinge for a while and it seems to be balanced such that a free user can actually get dates. It isn’t perfect, but I actually got 4 first dates and chatted with a few other genuine people, whereas on other apps like tinder I gave up more quickly because it was clear that I was gonna need to pay to actually match with a person. (Possibly I would actually match for free if I had looks that were driving more engagement)

Yup, can confirm Hinge free is rather excellent. YMMV, but I got plenty of dates (and even a girlfriend for a while) thanks to Hinge.

It's not perfect, but if you work it, it can work for you.

Yes, it's a casino game, but learn the rules and you might just win ;)

I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I find the hinge system bleak too. I've been on there a year and somewhat rarely get people to respond after a initial "match" let alone only managing to meet 2 people in real life. I say it is bleak for sure unless you're a swimsuit model

Yeah I have a friend who I think of as at least tier above me looks-wise and she said she didn’t get any matches at all… so I dunno. (She didn’t clarify… it may have been she didn’t get any matches that she would consider)

Hinge has been sucked up into the Match.com umbrella. I haven't used it lately, but I wouldn't expect it to hold up to its past success stories anymore.

I used it entirely during the time it was owned by Match.com

It may degrade from here but they didn’t immediately mess it up.

I’d be curious if it matches my niche. I’m Childfree and it’s difficult to find matches in general for this reason.

> preferred app in my very small dating niche

Curious about how you define this, and which apo, unless you feel you cannot comment without providing/implying sensitive information about yourself.

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