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Comment by kdmccormick | Hacker News Reader

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kdmccormick

> "Tell two truths and a lie!"

> "Don't forget to donate!"

Sure, I get what you're saying about those.

And this one is prying in just about any context, work or not:

> "Are you thinking about getting married, having kids?"

But these?

> "What did you do this weekend?"

> "What'd you think of the $SPORT game?"

> "Where are you going for vacation?"

> "Don't forget to vote!"

Those are just normal ways of making conversation! 99% of the time if someone's asking you this, they're not trying to get inside your brain and invade your privacy... they're just trying to talk to you. Honest question: do you prefer to have zero social interaction with your coworkers?

Edit: Also, it's bonkers to me that you think that this "has become" a thing. People have been making idle conversation at work since the dawn of civilization.

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Thought about it a little more since my original comment does make me sound like a grumpy old geezer.

First off: you're right about there being a spectrum here, and some things do fall under the banner of plain ol' smalltalk.

I think what's gotten to me is how relentless it is lately. Back in the olden days, before the pandemic, whether you were meeting in a large group or small, remotely or in-person, everyone would just show up to the meeting and get on with it. The socializing would then happen afterward in small, occasional, in-person settings. You'd go for lunch or coffee or drinks or dinner, and you'd end up talking to the 1 or 3 people next to you and having an actual conversation.

Nowadays, it feels like the socializing is much more broad and shallow. And it's constant. It feels like nearly every meeting starts with several minutes of this sort of desperate veneer of friendliness. You have to constantly be upbeat and chipper and "on" as you click your way from one virtual meeting room to another, repeating the same bland story about your weekend several times a day.

TL;DR: You're right it's always been a thing, but I do think something has shifted in our post-pandemic world. Now, it feels much more like an ever-present demand for constant emotional labor, rather than actual social interaction.

I work at a company that has been operating remotely since a decade. In our weekly syncs (or 1:1 with manager), there's little to no small talk, and the meeting gets called off if there's not much agenda. For socials, we have a monthly sync, that is voluntary. Both don't get mixed.

Is someone asking about your weekend or if it's gotten cold where you live yet really emotional labor?

Those questions help orient everyone to the call. It's very much like when I call a friend and don't launch into what I need right after their 'Hello', I first ask them how they are doing. This lets them get their headspace into our conversation.

In person meetings have lots of physical clues to orient people so there's less chit chat needed. Remote though is more challenging. Everyone who just signed on was moving in different directions and speeds, and a couple minutes of 'hey, how's it going' gets people synced for the ensuing conversation.

And I say this as someone who prefers to do everything over Slack and avoid all meetings.

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