This is mostly a myth. Water hydrates you regardless of whether it's mixed with CO2 or with coffee beans. The thing about caffeine is that it is also a diuretic, so some of that water will be quickly expelled.
Normal saline is about one-quarter the concentration of sea water, by the way.
You can drink pure water because it "becomes" saline as it mixes with the food in your stomach.
Even unfiltered tap water doesn't have very many ions compared to blood or saline solution. Most of your ions come from your food.
There are very simple experiments you can perform to demonstrate this phenomena. Grab plants or something similar and put them inside three different solutions: hypertonic, isotonic and hypotonic. There will be interesting results.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osmotic_concentration
At best you can say that if you consume exclusively distilled water for a long time, you might deplete your body of some minerals unless they are replenished another way.
Also, the purpose of the " in the "undrinkable" statement was to make it clearer that it's about people considering it "undrinkable", not that it's toxic or it doesn't hydrate. You just wouldn't drink distilled water unless you were dying of thirst in the desert.