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So how do I set up a server to generate images for me? An API I can post anything to and get an image back.

You'll need to know how to program. Try Python with Flask or Bottle.

Very funny.

Anyway, this pretty much answered my question: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32556277

Sorry I misinterpreted what you meant, I wasn't meaning to be glib.