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Comment by tastyfreeze | Hacker News Reader

I try to live by these two codes:

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Lead by example.

The first was drilled into me by my mother that was raised as a church going midwesterner. The second came from Boy Scouts but has been reaffirmed throughout my life through observation of others and seeing the results of doing what I feel is right. These are the two lessons I try to instill in my children and the children I coach. If I had to choose a third it would be "only you are responsible for you happiness and success" but that lesson takes some shit experiences to really internalize.

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> Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Wouldn't it be better to treat others the way they want to be treated?

I agree that this is both more effective and has the benefit of encouraging people to understand others in a deeper level. Taking the time to understand someone else handles stress differently (and has different strengths and weaknesses, preferences, ways of communication, etc.) is a level above just treating people the way oneself wants to be treated.

Anecdotally- I've had many experiences with my mother who adamantly insists she treats others the way she wants to be treated when, in fact, she has a very unique life experience that has generated some specific ideas of how she thinks people should behave, and in treating others the way she wants to be treated she tends to unintentionally generate miscommunication and awkward situations at best, if not sometimes conflicts and harm.

Would you not want to be listen to? Cared for? Considered? Is this not then the healthy expression of loving one as yourself.

Also, there are many who may harbor destructive habits and may need to be treated not for what they want in the moment but rather what best heals them and returns them to the best version of themselves. Understandably difficult to discern in most situations but difficulty is not a disqualification for pursuit of loving others as ourselves.

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