Ask HN: Dealing with the Guilt of Giving Notice? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Dealing with the Guilt of Giving Notice?

4 pointsandrewclunn9 comments

I know companies aren't loyal to employees. I know we're all replaceable cogs in the company machine. I know that the concern of managers is a trained tactic. I still feel the guilt. I'm abandoning the team. How to you brace yourself to handle this, specifically? Not at an intellectual, but an emotional level.

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Know that the day after your desk is empty, they will have moved on.

Just like any time your teammates have left, was it really that bad for you still on the team? Sure, you may miss their presence, but they have a job to do and move on.

Everyone will come and go from a company eventually, unless they die or the company shuts down. Although you work closely with these people, ultimately this is a transaction between yourself and the business and if you really have a good relationship with your colleagues, and they are good people, and they will understand and support you in your transition. But these feelings are normal!

I found that trying to remain on good terms with my line manager and director helped feel less guilty about moving on. I guess it's the thought that the door is not fully closed.

You feel guilty because you are harming someone else. The way to "brace yourself" is to believe that the harm you are giving out is ok. If its ok, then its probably not harm or abandonment or any other negative adjective. It's just a transaction.

It's ok if your actions aren't optimal outcomes for other people.

Your now previous employer is in the business of ... well, whatever their business is. You're in the business of you. You need to do what's best your your business, not their business. If what's best for you isn't at that employer, no need to feel guilty.

You know what? Your team will keep going without you. After a few days or a week, it'll be like you were never there.

I doubt any of them think you're abandoning them. I'm willing to be that if any of them left, they wouldn't feel guilty.

Your former colleagues and former company will get along fine without you. Your former team will need to adapt to being a person down until they find a new andrewmclunn, but the work will get done and you're not leaving them in a lurch.

What's the alternative? Work there until you die? Work there until everyone around you leaves first?

Jobs are ALWAYS temporary. You're just leaving on your own terms.

I have been asked many times over the years whether my job is "permanent" or not.

I always found it amusing, obviously they generally mean is it a fixed-term contract, or probationary, or whatever, but in industries where layoffs and bankruptcies are regular occurrences it's a pretty meaningless distinction.

I've been known to reply flippantly with "well, I'm only alive temporarily."

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