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If you're joking: Haha

If you're serious and this is the conclusion you reached from Celsius going bankrupt: good luck!

All of the bridges I've listed were hacked or exploited just this year, for hundreds of millions each.

None of these are DEXes, they are mostly bridges. If you want to avoid protocol and smart contract risk, don’t deposit your tokens into third parties. Hold your own keys and trade your tokens on a DEX like Uniswap.

I got your joke and thought it was good