As a computer professional (I assume), you have a firm understanding of where the text of those messages actually comes from, and that any specific emotional wording can be ignored. Thus, "commiserating" messages feel patronizing.
However, to someone for whom computers are mysterious and capricious black boxes which seem to have been put on this Earth solely to test their patience, "friendly" messages may carry tonal information which you take for granted:
* You did nothing wrong
* This is unintended and regrettable behavior, and we apologize
* Nothing is catastrophically broken
Consider that your mild irritation with a patronizing message is possibly preferable to some poor grandma hurling her computer out the window because "This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down."