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Comment by missingrib | Hacker News Reader

She's being insanely callous, as is fashionable to do on this website for some reason.

She's actually communicating quite reasonably and sounds pragmatic, not callous. I'm frankly astounded by the amount and severity of weirdly "normal" angry replies about this on HN ("normal" as in typical on the internet). Even on emotional topics, there's usually only one or two of those, and they often get flagged quickly.

I say this without anger but it makes me feel as uncomfortable and sad as if I'd read "if my wife doesn't get breast implants our marriage will suffer." I can't imagine saying that to someone I'm in a relationship with or how gutted I'd feel if someone asked that of me. Maybe it's the kind of honesty and pragmatism you reach after decades of marriage, but it's horrible to read from the outside.

I agree, and as a bald man myself, it's a tad surprising to read this from the spouse of a man who's currently only thinning - and someone they have two kids with. That thinning hair has been extrapolated to something that's irrevocably damaging to their marriage. I get it - a shiny pate isn't everybody's thing - but it's still surprising to read that it's worth losing a spouse and the father of your children over.

>irrevocably damaging to their marriage

>worth losing a spouse and the father of your children over.

Again, this is uncharitable exaggeration/rewording. Doing this to people perpetuates the unwillingness of many to speak honestly even at times when it would be ultimately beneficial.

I'm confused as to how this is at all uncharitable, here is a direct quote from the commenter: "I guess that would work for a lot of people, but I'm personally not attracted to bald men. So I think I'd prefer if my husband got the transplants, I think our only problem is money... but the more I think about it, it'll probably be worth it for our marriage in the long run."

Is it being uncharitable to assume that she thinks that her marriage will be negatively affected by her husband going bald? She specifically states she's not attracted to bald men, and says she'd be willing to spend money they don't currently have for him to get a hair transplant in order to save their marriage "in the long run".

No, this is refreshing communication. The alternative isn't hippy dippy paradise, it's suppressing the problem until they start fighting for "no reason" and then being unable to consider several of their better options because they weren't willing to talk about it.

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