I work at Stripe and I'm terribly sorry for what happened here. I have a Terminal test card that I use and that I know works. I can overnight it to you so you have it before your event. Could you let me know your address at edwin@stripe.com (or DM me on twitter at @edwinwee)?

We're investigating right now what happened here. I'd also like to dig into your other instances of shitty support—could you forward those to me?