Ask HN: I'm burnt out: frustrated, distracted, pessimistic. How do I fix this? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: I'm burnt out: frustrated, distracted, pessimistic. How do I fix this?

42 pointsAnonyFoundr20 comments

Background: I'm a sole founder of a startup with about 10 people.

I find it difficult to maintain an optimistic state-of-mind. I often slip into pessimism.

I have times where I feel very optimistic, I know I’m in the right mindset and ready to be productive, charismatic, effective etc.. Sometimes that can be in a social work situation, it could be while giving a talk, it could be while meeting someone new, or it could be feeling good about some new piece of work, and focussed to make progress with it. The feeling is optimistic, focussed, driven, confident and clear minded. Like I can dive into any tricky problem and solve it, or roll up my sleeves and get a certain piece of work done in a phenomenal way. That’s the best version of me, I’m happy in those moments, and I’d like to be like that at all times, from the moment I wake up.

However, I frequently am not in that state. I feel distracted, un-motivated, pessimistic. I ruminate, I feel stressed and frustrated with situations. Sometimes, I have a meeting coming up which I know it’s important to be optimistic and effective, to be in that state of mind. But sitting there, feeling pessimistic, it feels like it’d be impossible to switch to feeling optimistic. The meeting can go, and I end feeling unsatisfied with how I was - not warm, not projecting energy or focus, but actually un-focussed and potentially de-railing the conversation.

In other words, I spend most of my time in a pessimistic state of mind, and I can’t easily change that. Googling all of this, the most typical result is "burn out", which may be the case. I haven't taken a _really long_ break, but I have taken breaks, holidays, disconnected etc.. for up to 2 weeks. I feel refreshed, but quite quickly I'm back to the same place.

Advice for dealing with this?

Four things work for me. Understanding how to influence emotions, anchors, sleep, and exercise.

One of the things that helped me address this when I was burnt out ~10 years ago was a book called Emotional Equations; it's not perfect, but the frame of reference in a math like state helped me identify what to DO when I felt a certain way.

The other thing I do is set an "anchor" when I have a "peak" experience. Winning something. An awesome run, whatever. I read a book about an elite ultra runner and he'd blink hard three times when he had a peak experience. I make a first a certain way that's not as obvious, but anything can help. If you've seen Seinfeld, it's basically Serenity Now, but effective for me.

Some of the top performance atheletes say that sleep is their secret weapon. I use a light clock to wake up instead of a noise alarm clock, and seem to wake in a gentler state.

Finally, good sleep is predicated on actually being able to sleep. Exercise helps here. It also allows me to mull complex things without the ability to immediately take action, which seems to be useful.

I hope this helps!

Instead of trying to game your entire psyche like other comments suggest, I recommend to founders to find a person you can actually speak truthfully to.

Drop the marketing talk. Stop talking about the peak potential of every little thing. Stop pretending that everything can or should be optimized. Stop pretending that every event is an emergency. Get your mind and body out of crisis mode. Admit to yourself that the failure of your venture is the most likely outcome, that it always has been the most likely outcome, and that thats ok and you can still learn and grow and make a difference even in failure. That you can do everything right and still lose.

The cognitive dissonance of tech has torn down so many people. Don't let it tear you down. There are conscious choices that you have made and continue to make that make you feel the way that you do. Your body is suggesting you change them.

For all things mental health, try:

* Sobriety

* Regular sleep

* Personal connection(s)

* Exercise

* Clean diet

* Meditation

Meditation in particular can be a superpower. Next time you find yourself feeling a way that doesn't serve you, just sit quietly 5-10 minutes, close your eyes, and take some deep breaths. The Headspace app is an easy way to start.

i agree but i would try focusing on your breath while working or doing something else, not idled

I would add gardening to this. And being outside in general.

Doing it solo is significantly harder than with a cofounder.

More than half of my startup founder journey was about having to deal with this type of feelings and without my cofounder it would have been way harder. Our secret was to never be in the same bad mental place at the same time. That way we could help each other get out of it more effectively.

Do you have a support group you can talk to? Fellow founders? I'm sure seeing a therapist can help too, or talking to a friend, but I noticed it doesn't have the same effect as talking to a founder who was in your shoes before can have.

Some contextual advice. Do something that you used to enjoy when you had time. I enjoy playing video games with friends at nights.

Exercise helps for sure. If you can find a sport that you enjoy, even better. I enjoy swimming with my wife. Some good exercise few hrs before bed will help you sleep better. Exercise in the morning energizes your day.

Journaling before bed helps you process your day and sets the stage for tomorrow. It also helps your mind relax knowing what’s gonna happen the next day.

Life is good. Life is fun. And life is short if you’re busy all the time. Make time for life.

Well my take is that first off, being irritated or something is not unusual or necessarily bad.

Everyone gets bored or tired with their job. That happens routinely, since jobs are repetitive and tedious sometimes.

Everyone has frustrating situations. And I think you are mistaken if you think that being optimistic comes _before_ resolving those frustrations. There might be a massive amount of BS trying to convince people they can just take a few deep breaths or something, but that's nonsense. The feelings are there to help you manage your life.

Those emotions are a high level cognitive feature, not a bug. They are there to tell you that you have unresolved issues.

If you literally have a lot of problems you are responsible for, then that is not emotional dysfunction, it's just that you have a lot of unresolved things irritating you.

One thing that I think I need to do is get more sunlight. I often don't go outside hardly at all and humans need a minimum amount of sunlight.

Another thing I would say is if you have a way to offload some of your problems by delegating that might help.

Also obviously make sure you have something fun to do exercise wise for stress. I like table tennis in VR.

One other thing that helps me is to try to find ways to stay engaged. Being stuck on the same project can be tedious. When there is something shiny and new to focus on it can help renew motivation. So maybe let yourself have just a little time to get distracted by future plans or things you don't necessarily really have time for. As long as you can moderate that, it may help you pull through when dealing with the more tedious or negative problems that come up repeatedly.

I've been wondering if this is a world-wide shift in consciousness due to interconnectedness. Things are better than they ever have been by multiple statistical observations, but appear to be worse than ever by the consensus of group think. Of course there are metrics that suck, like global temperature increase. That's why I wonder about a "default mode global consciousness" having something to do with it.

Stop reading the news and go outside is what I do. I learned the hard way: https://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/technology/07brain.html

one thing i find that works for me in those situations is to act the opposite how i feel when around others.

for example, try to be funny or maybe ironic (in a non-negative way if that makes sense) and positive/supportive instead of expressing nakedly how you might be feeling...

what i notice is, the good vibes bounce back from others around me (they will maybe say something funny back, or laugh etc) and can lift my feelings up for the whole day (pull me out of the funk)

also, the usual things: try to go outside, get some sun, make sure to exercise, hang out with people; being fit and around others can make a huge boost

  > However, I frequently am not in that state. I feel distracted, un-motivated, pessimistic. I ruminate, I feel stressed and frustrated with situations.

if its work-related, do you know why you feel pessimistic?

if your not sure the cause, why not ask your employees? talking to them might jog a couple ideas or even change your perspective. perhaps maybe you need to share some burdens with them...?

Disappointment and pessimism are nothing out of the ordinary, but the other symptoms you describe makes me think it's more complicated than that. It sounds like you might have depression, but I am not qualified to diagnose you. A therapist will be able to provide you with better insights for dealing with this than any of us can.

Have you sought professional help?

Give yourself some down time. Get outside. Get more sun and exercise. Eat and sleep properly. Cut out any stimulants, including tea/coffee. Note down all the things you achieve in a day, as part of your day, and spend 10 minutes to reflect on it the morning after.

If you find Earth boring, just the same old same thing, why not sign up for Outerspaceways Incorporated?

https://youtu.be/Z8nppTSY-Rs

move yourself out of the equation and you will stop getting frustrated. Write about the incident that you are ruminating about(This is important you actully have to write it somewhere). Then read it as if it is happening to a another person(don't skip it or it won't have effect). Now give advice on what should be done.Try this and let me know if it helps? if it helps do it whenever you find yourself ruminating, eventually it would stop.

Lower expectations and slow down. Go observe hackathon or startup demos. Spend time away from computers. Find non tech hobby

Get yourself a dog and regularly take it for walks in green (parks) areas. When you are out strike up conversations with strangers.

For context, could you tell us when this started, and how long you have you been running your startup?

look for professional help, period. Your symptoms sound like you might be developing depression.

Take the temperature of your colleagues. Are they also feeling like that?

4-day to start

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