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> They said no such thing,

> > In the world I want to live in, we don’t have to set negative rules like “don’t harass people.” Instead, we could get by with positive guidelines like “be welcoming” and “be kind” and use our giant human brains to figure out how to apply those values to novel situations. When I get the chance, I try to create those spaces. When I have the energy, I try to educate and inform instead of correct. But I still keep this simple phrase in my back pocket as a tool for ending and defusing situations when other approaches don’t work.

The author did put it at the end, but it's definitely there.

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This only means that the author is a bit of a hypocrite. If you say that something is a last resort, and your primary exemplar of its use is something trivial and common (the word "gay"), then that belies the fact that you just said that it was a last resort.

Trivial and common? We run in very different social circles. The last time that's been common in my life was when I was in the military some 17 years ago. I would have the exact same reaction as the author if someone tried to reintroduce casual homophobia into my life.

In my social circles, the homosexual men prefer to be called "gay" rather than anything else. Also, some of the black people prefer to be called "black" - two are not African and hate the term "African-American."

I rather doubt that your homosexual friends support the use of “gay” as a pejorative, e.g. “that’s so gay.” Your argument is disingenuous; I hope it is not deliberate.

Oh, I thought the author was saying that "gay" was always a pejorative term. It wouldn't be the first time.

He was referring to someone who was using it as a pejorative, and explaining his method for dealing with it in a situation where an argument about it would have been unproductive and distracting.

I think that the author was a bit unclear in regards to the word "gay". It almost sounded like the author thinks that using the word "gay" in any context should be considered bad. After I went back to read that part again, I realized that they were referring to people saying "that's gay" to mean something along the lines of "that's bad" or "that's something I don't like". This was a common phrase among teens and 20-somethings 15-20 years ago, but it is rightly considered in poor taste today.

I'm a little unclear about how "*One day someone came to visit and used the word “gay” as a pejorative, as was common in the early 2000s" is unclear?

perjorative: (n) a word expressing contempt or disapproval.

Maybe I read it too fast, or maybe my brain was still focused on my work tasks, and that was taking priority over my casual skimming of HN. It doesn't really matter. All I know is that I suddenly had to go back and re-read that part because, for a moment, it seemed to me that the author might consider "gay" to always be a pejorative. And maybe others were incorrectly interpreting it the same way that I did at first.

I also considered that other commenters might not think using "gay" as a perjorative was a big deal, but HN rules encourage the assumption of good intent.

Do you consider it trivial and common to use the word "gay" as a pejorative? (If so, that may say something.) Not "gay" as in "Fred is gay."

From the article: "The college I attended was small and very LGBT friendly. One day someone came to visit and used the word “gay” as a pejorative, as was common in the early 2000s. A current student looked at the visitor and flatly said, “we don’t do that here.” The guest started getting defensive and explaining that they weren’t homophobic and didn’t mean anything by it. The student replied, “I’m sure that’s true, but all you need to know is we don’t do that here.” The interaction ended at that point, and everyone moved on to different topics. “We don’t do that here” was a polite but firm way to educate the newcomer about our culture."

I read that part too fast, and apparently I can't edit the comment you responded too. I thought the author of the article said that "gay" was a pejorative description of someone.

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