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Comment by notch656a | Hacker News Reader

Hey I can play that game too!

Are you suggesting the mother derived no benefit from the arrangement, that she continue to pay half the rent, health insurance, groceries, car insurance, gas, etc?

Personally, when my wife didn't work for over a year (more like two), it did fuck all for me. I paid all of the fulltime childcare, took care of the kid before and after school, and paid every single financial interest of my wife except her car insurance and phone bill. I can truthfully and honestly say in my personal situation I got nothing out of it. I paid for her because I love her and wanted her to have the same standard of life I have WHILE WE ARE MARRIED -- but I would be quite displeased indeed if my generosity in marriage is taken to mean I would be so generous after being ditched.

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I paid all of the fulltime childcare, took care of the kid before and after school, and paid every single financial interest of my wife except her car insurance and phone bill.

So, you gave her everything but the freedom to get out of the house and the freedom to talk to people as needed, even though she wasn't working at the time? Seriously.. the first thing my spouse did when I moved overseas with them was to make sure I could communicate with folks and have the ability to leave the house on a whim (within reason, I could always do free stuff). This was because these things keep people more free and less trapped in a situation.

And honestly, it sounds like your situation wasn't average: Most of the time, the stay at home parent is an unpaid childcare worker, unpaid cook, and unpaid maid without ever getting days off and often without having spending money of their own unless they save money on groceries. I'd guess that your situation had other factors.

And a note: If your ex lives in poverty after divorce, it means your children live in part-time poverty and I really don't understand wanting that sort of thing.

>So, you gave her everything but the freedom to get out of the house and the freedom

No she spent pretty much the entire day out of the house pursuing her goals while I financed it and took care of the kid on top of that.

> it means your children live in part-time poverty

That's what child support is for, for the child to have money even if the parent does not. Also, alimony is a thing even for people without kids. If the father goes into poverty to pay child support nobody gives a fuck, even if that means the child ends up living in part time poverty with the father. You'll hear judges impugn people paying child support all the time because they didn't pay it while eating and putting gas in their car, somebody posted a video here of a judge doing that.

I wasn't trying to make it personal, and your situation does sound unusual; sometimes the stay-at-home partner ends up working more hours than the breadwinner spouse, who might work 40 hours at the workplace and do nothing at home. That doesn't sound like it was the case for you when your wife wasn't working.

I would be quite displeased indeed if my generosity in marriage is taken to mean I would be so generous after being ditched.

I would say to anyone on the default marriage contract, there may well be spousal maintenance in the event of divorce, so if anyone thinks that's unfair, draw up your own agreement.

I think at the societal level though there needs to be a re-adjustment of the family court so that "I will support you to pursue your own goals until whatever arbitrary I time I decide not to" does not default to "I will support you to pursue your own goals, even if you cheat on me and then ditch my ass to get filled up with cum by strangers." That is just an act of tyrannical judges using unilateral violence of the state to pursue their own hate against the generous.

>who might work 40 hours at the workplace

Lol I was working a lot more than that to support a loved but at the time dead-weight wife on top of my kid and paying for full time care workers for my kid. There was one month my fingers and wrist were in such pain from working waking to to night all day everyday I could barely work without being in constant pain.

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