Behind Closed Doors review – entertaining study of London private members’ clubs

I've lived in a handful of countries and UK is where I experienced the most intense classism.

Unlike other countries where class is mostly defined by money, the UK tends to define it in the old school heritage and upbringing sense of the word. No matter if you made millions, unless you have pedigree, you don't belong. Makes me chuckle a bit when people complains about classism in the US.

For those not familiar with UK media, The Guardian (better known as The Grauniad due to the frequency of spelling mistakes in its pages) is a very left-leaning paper.

Therefore topics such as private members' clubs are to be considered fair game for The Guardian as its the sort of place their readership would not be seen dead.

I would suggest that the truth is somewhere half-way between two sides of the proverbial coin.

There are some clubs that do indeed have a bit of a reputation. The Carlton Club mentioned in the first paragraph for example. As one Londoner put it to me in relation to the alleged Pincher incident, "if it was bad enough to raise eyebrows at the Carlton Club, it must have been bad".

Moving more to the other side of the coin, the Reform Club also mentioned in the article is not particularly controversial. Sure some of its ways may be old-fashioned my modern standards (e.g. wearing of ties by gentlemen is NOT optional). However for the non-Londoner for example, membership does have its benefits in that they have a small number of accommodation rooms available at a nightly rate that you would be hard pushed to find in such a central location, especially during peak season.

Finally, firmly on the other side of the coin are those clubs that try to scrape by a living by catering for pursuits that are rather more rarified in the modern age. For example, anyone who's anyone in the Bridge world will know of the Portland Club, the main parameter for membership there being a (very!) decent Bridge player (a fact that will need to be vouched for by your proposer and seconder). You won't find any debauchery at the Portland Club, its a serious club for serious people !

Other examples exist, but point being to take The Guardian's opinion on such matters with a pinch of salt.

I had a membership in my own national version of these clubs, and travelled throughout some of their sister clubs in the US, and they are truly precious and rare experiences. I gave up my membership while attempting a bootstrapped startup where I burned all my boats to succeed, and after spending a few years financially recovering, covid, but also some other social factors, I have yet to renew it. I've been back for some of their events, and they have also had to change tack to stay afloat. The joke around the club at the time about membership was, "we do need new members because at the rate we're going broke, we've probably only got another 100 years." As it had been well managed and well capitalized.

The thing about any elite organization is an immense amount of effort goes into preserving and growing it, and everyone is always disappointed at how the new crop of members isn't of the quality of ones own cohort, which is as ridiculous but persistent as it sounds. Whether it's White's or Burning Man, a scene is a scene is a scene.

The service is next level, and the best way to describe it is it's something you can't merely pay for, and I told the staff more than once that I mostly come here to remind myself that there were still things for me to do where I might eventually become worthy of the service they provided. The thing about the clubs is that there are no prices on the menus, (though mercifully they put them on the wine and scotch lists) not because they expect you to afford it, but because if you are there, it is within expectations and it's taken care of. I would say "The Continental" in the John Wick series actually captures the culture and experience well, if a bit over egged.

I actually joined in my late 20s because I lived in a rented apartment in the city and didn't have a cottage or a place where I could entertain and reciprocate the hospitality so many others had offered me, and so my club membership was a way for me to have something that was mine to share. Membership isn't a validation or having made it, what makes it so good is that it is something that's yours to share.

The dress codes have relaxed in the more established places, but there is still a sense of respect and dignity that I don't think the new ones have managed to capture. Sure, they may have celebrities and influencers, but they don't have the basic comfort of someone saying, "welcome back, sir. you once mentioned you liked wines from this region so we picked up a case on our last order."

Friends' reactions to it were different. People with a chip on their shoulders about what they percieved the clubs to represent were uncomfortable, but I could usually win them over. It was always the most epic surprise to be out for after work drinks and grabbing a small crew to take them through the secret entrance into a place with incredible luxury. The characters who inhabited it were a mix of people who never used it and showed up once a year, to the occasional grifter on the make, and sort of lost downwardly mobile types like me thinking this is just what one did.

What I would say to anyone joining one is this: the staff have spent their careers to become the very best in the world at what they do, and the thing they value most is someone who truly appreciates what they do. The entire raison for a club is to provide welcome, comfort, and surprising delight to people who value it, and they structure the costs to make something so awesome economical. The traditions they have are worth observing because it's what makes them good. If you approach any one of them with an open mind and with the simple humility of asking what the rules and protocols are, and maintain that humble openness, you will be absolutely welcomed in almost every single one of them.

What makes a club great is its membership, and after a few years it clicks that what makes these places so legendary are people like you, and it's on you to be a steward of it.

Interesting snippet but I wish they had given us more detail about the clubs!

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. - Groucho Marx

Where does one find the time to be idle?