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warpech

Interesting, considering this old Icelandic joke I found once in a guide:

- What should you do if you get lost in a forest?

- Stand up! (other version: Just get off your knees!)

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Moss can grow very thick in Iceland, as thick as a couch. So you can walk over the (cold) lava field below it.

You can, but since that moss is quite fragile and takes ages to grow you absolutely should not walk on it. Hiking trails are there for a reason.

Even worse than walking would be driving, and that is also illegal in Iceland.

Reading the title I thought, "Increased sixfold? So they have six trees now?"

I'll see myself out...

BTW what a rare example of a joke that does not offend anyone

I could see someone taking offense that it is ableism.

Thankfully most people are sane.

This is the internet, sir. Sanity is DLC.

With the way things are going, you'd expect it to be a subscription.

Honestly? Trying to find sane people on the internet feels like dealing with a lootbox mechanic.

>BTW what a rare example of a joke that does not offend anyone

So important today!!!

  > BTW what a rare example of a joke that does not offend anyone

For what it's worth, I prefer jokes that "offend" my race. I'm Jewish, have at me!

I realize that being overly sensitive is an online virtue in teenager websites like Reddit or Instagram. But HN users can be assumed to be adults. No need to point out "look, a joke that _doesn't_ offend!" here.

> For what it's worth, I prefer jokes that "offend" my race. I'm Jewish, have at me!

And risk getting called a ashkenazi?

But yeah, being able to shrug off insults/find insults/jokes funny is something I hold in high regard.

Sadly, too many people take offense on someone elses behalf.

Your comment was much better before you edited it. I did nazi that edit coming.

Thats fair. Just thought I'd try to inject a tiny bit of humour, based on a semi-frequent misunderstanding that ashkenazi jews are nazis. Which seemed in line with the parent to my post at the edit time.

Oh well, thats what I get for trying to add a joke while being from Austria.

  > misunderstanding that ashkenazi jews are nazis

I've never heard this misunderstanding. Interesting, I wonder if it's local.

Germans have some good Jewish jokes, I posted one above in a reply to a Pole. I know it's a crazy sensitive subject, I couldn't bring myself to write the punchline in English.

The more dire the serious situation, the funnier the joke.

> For what it's worth, I prefer jokes that "offend" my race. I'm Jewish, have at me!

Since I would personally call that a religion and not a race, which is likely some heated discussion hence proper material for humor: do you happen to have a joke covering that aspect?

Sure, but it would probably be funny only to religious Jews.

God comes down from heaven and says to Moses: "Thou shall not cook a lamb in its mother's milk". Moses asks in reply "So, I shouldn't eat meat with dairy?". Said God: "No, Moses. Just don't cook a lamb in its mother's milk". Moses asked for clarification "So, I shouldn't put cheese on chicken, no more Cordon Bleu?". And God clarified: "No, Moses. Just don't cook a lamb in its mother's milk". And Moses asked "So, I should keep separate dishes for meat, and separate dishes for dairy? And wait a few hours between meals?". And God clarified thus: "Do whatever you want Moses."

David Baddiel is a funny guy and his book (which isn’t humor) Jews Don’t Count frames Jewishness as an ethnicity.

The sephardic and ashkenazic ethnicities are closely associated with the Jewish faith. But I haven't heard any sephardic or ashkenazic jokes.

You can tell what kind of Jew someone is by how they pronounce Adonai. Orthodox say "Ah-Doh-Nye", Conservatives say "Ah-Doh-No", and if they're Reform they say "Eye-Dee-Nye".

The Catholic equivalent of this joke is that a Dominican, a Franciscan, and a Jesuit are told that a Mercedes has been donated to them on the condition that they say a Novena for the good will of Vatican II. The Dominican says "What's Vatican II?" The Franciscan says "What's a Mercedes?" And the Jesuit says "What's a Novena?"

"All right, I just got down from the mountain, and the good news is that I have some simple rules for living in harmony with God. The bad news is that there's something a little awkward that will need to be cut off..."

I think most popular jokes in my country (Poland) are the ones comparing Poles, Russians and Germans.

We probably wouldn't risk joking about your folk.

Considering our history, yes, I could see that Poles might not want to laugh about Jews. My gmail username is the same as my HN username, I personally would love to hear a Polish Jewish joke and promise not to take offense or think that it represents your personal viewpoint.

A German once told me a German Jewish joke. How do you get 100 Jews into a Kafer (VW Beetle)? Im Aschenbecher.

I'm still yet to hear Arab jokes about Jews, even though I live with and am friendly with Arabs. I know they probably have some good ones.

> Im Aschenbecher

Damn, that's rough!

My Jewish friends tell really appalling jokes like this - mostly, I suspect, so they can watch gentiles squirm.

I think our favourite one is about Moshe asking god to win the lottery. You may have already heard it. It's very old.

I don't recall the joke. Please tell!

Well, the god then answers: Oh Moshe, oh dear Moshe. Have you considered at least buying a lottery ticket?

> But HN users can be assumed to be adults.

Could have fooled me.

Rick Moranis (dressed as an Orthodox rabbi) and Dave Thomas (as Scotsman named Angus Crock) are probably your best best in this old SCTV skit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rShkTyq-r24

I believe a midget might disagree.

it’s not rare at all, come on now

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