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Comment by mulmen | Hacker News Reader

Thanks for sharing. I’m aware of talking over people and the dimensions on which it biases. I ask to uncover “unknown unknowns” of some other (unknown to me) behavior that might also need to be addressed.

To be more specific, I am also afraid of over-indexing on inclusion. Do I call on female coworkers more often to speak up in areas where I know they are experts because I know they may not do so themselves? Is that fair to them? Does it make them feel inadequate or is it appreciated or does it not even register? If I ask Susan to elaborate on a sprint update but don't ask Frank does that signal that I don't trust Susan? What if I am really just interested in her task?

I know the cliches about confident white men in tech. Talking over people, the white savior, etc. But, as a confident white man in tech I need input from everyone to be better. So, thanks for sharing.

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I’m not a female, but work for a women-owned tech company with a predominantly female staff, and I don’t speak for women when I say this: yes, in my experience, you should call on female coworkers to share their opinions or insights. It’s fair, and often appreciated, but don’t do it expecting gratitude. Do it because you know their input matters.

Many—not all—women have had it ingrained in them since childhood to defer to men, especially men in authority. If it’s appropriate, don’t make it an imperative statement like, “Susan, tell us your thoughts.” Respect their agency, and ask, “Susan, is there anything you’d like to add” or “do you have an update to share on your task?” This applies to your male co-workers too, of course. Because, at the end of the day, none of this is about you. It’s about what’s best for the team, right?

Knowing when to step up and when to step back and elevate others is one of the hardest things to learn about being a leader. But fostering a culture of open curiosity and collaboration is the best antidote to a culture of quiet resentment because someone feels ignored or left out.

Not to mention the loss of productivity that imposter syndrome can cause…but that’s a whole different thread.

Anyway, just my experience on the matter. I personally think it’s important to help men understand how their view of team dynamics may be exclusionary to women. I’m not speaking on behalf of women at all. If there’s any question about how to best include any specific person in your organization, there’s an easy way to get that question answered: ask them.

I think this is a really good practice in general! It would help people (like my younger self) who might be afraid to speak up or interrupt regardless of gender.

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