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Comment by drooby | Hacker News Reader

I was once this kid..

So from that perspective I can say… the internet and video games were very much filling a void in my life. It took spiraling into deep depression and thoughts of suicide to realize I needed to make the change myself. I suspect any degree of forceful action wont work sufficiently.

Find out what this kid wants out of life, actually get to know them, something my parents never really did. And this might mean asking to play video games with them.

Once you know what they want, what they truly want, you can help provide the tools and guidance for achieving those things outside of a television or computer screen.

Making the effort to actually connect with the person before suggesting an alternative lifestyle is key.

That being said, this person is a young adult and many people live happy lives spending lots of time in front of a screen.

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Agree with everything above. I would also say, I spend more than 9 hours a day on my computer. Sure, it's my job, but I'm curious what "healthy computer habits" means in a world where this person will very likely be expected to spend 9 hours a day on the computer for their work. Unhealthy computer habits as a teenager are what made me able to get a job in this field without a degree. Certainly some of this was unhealthy for me, and 9 hours a day playing video games can be problematic, but ultimately I went from spending 9 hours a day in front of a computer to.... spending 9 hours a day in front of a computer.

I feel like this advice is the best that I've skimmed through here.

I am still this kid (though now older and working). All the people calling to just unilaterally cut all computer access make me wonder if they themselves even remember being 18 or lived similar to this way when they were that age.

This is the only proper reply here. When I was 18 I was exactly the same, I've wasted my teenage years in front a screen not having had a single worthy experience, and there was no one to come have that talk with me because I practically didn't have parents. I wish someone would have given me guidance in life and navigate me on the right track. So be a proper parent and go talk to your kid and really try to understand what bothers them and what's hiding behind the games.

> actually get to know them YES!

Often as adults we take a prescriptive approach to what young people should want/do/feel without actually knowing anything about them, and then we are surprised when they don’t respond to our wisdom.

I’ll add that the computer often also fills a social need. Within the often toxic social environment of the school, finding other people with common interests can be quite challenging, but online accomplishing such thing is a lot easier because there’s a twitch/tiktok for everything and likely an accompanying discord server.

When as we grew up playing with kids down the street because we had in common that the both of us had a bike or legos or whatever, we happen to live in a very different world in which often, not even the adults that would like the kids to “go out and play” actually know their next door neighbors.

This.

One thing to add, some people use the internet as a surrogate social group in lieu of one in real life. Especially now, I have heard from many people how it is difficult to maintain social relationships in real life, especially outside of the context of work or school. Online communities can emulate this to some degree with a very low barrier of entry, which could be a reason why someone spends that much time online.

> And this might mean asking to play video games with them.

I double this. It breaks so many barriers to just embrace the hobby and go along with it. Once the barriers are down, you'll get to know the person behind that face much much better.

> many people live happy lives spending lots of time in front of a screen.

Though the screen with its infinite entertainment capacity can easily prevent you from finding what brings you actual fulfillment.

I could have written this. Too relatable.

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