I was there 5 years ago. My psychology was getting worse by the month as everything I did seemed more and more futile.

I quit my job, travelled to some bucket list destinations like Japan, Fiji, Galapagos, machu piccu, then went on a 5 month backpacking trip across both islands of New Zealand with my (ridiculously) supportive wife. I immersed myself the whole time in zen philosophy and tried to lose my egocentric placement in the universe.

It was a great reset for my depression, but did nothing to erase the fundamental feeling that all of reality and my actions within it are pointless.

For the first year I took my passion projects seriously, devoting almost a full work week of attention to them. At a certain point, I stopped those too. I realized I was merely creating my own flavor of the distractions I'd tired of.

Now the only things that bring me real joy are improving my home environment, the health of my family, and getting out in the sun and playing sports. That kind of "out there, just around the corner" abstract life satisfaction I was chasing seem as ridiculous to me now as participating in US politics. It is all ephemeral.