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Comment by actfrench | Hacker News Reader

Are either of you women ? This is seriously obnoxious to ask about on a first date and ignores the reality that many women such as myself , fortunately are quite fertile and capable of having children.

I’m sorry but a woman would not post this BS

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That's not how statistics work. Which is why the GP post was pointing out the absence of negatives when only selecting for positives. It is certainly something that is crass to bring up on a first date, and I would never, but it is a reality that many women face and they should be forewarned. Not by me, but by media, sex ed at school, other women.

I’m male. And I can’t imagine I would ask about it on a first date.

But if you’re up on fertility issues, it’s a legitimate concern. As people age, the rate of fertility success inevitably goes down, and the risks (e.g. Down syndrome) go up pretty dramatically.

Having frozen eggs greatly reduces those risks, and for an older man that wants kids, a potential wife with frozen eggs could mean a lot.

I agree it is a legitimate question. But a first date is not the place to ask it, as you say, and certainly not to keep prying when a woman says she's not ready to speak about something so personal. I do want to have children but I don't like being treated like a cow for breeding and that's certainly not how I treat men on my dates. This is exactly why I am looking for love and intimacy with someone before having children. If I JUST wanted to have kids, I could go to a sperm bank or ask a friend to lend some swimmers or have a one-night stand. I'm looking for a real, mutually beneficial partnership. And hopefully one of our shared values is having children.

I’ll give a counter example: married at 29, had only an ectopic pregnancy at 31 to show for our trouble, was diagnosed with low Anti-Müller hormone levels, never went the fertility assistance route because losing my mother to breast cancer put me off messing with my hormones. Decided around 38 to be content with my kind husband, comfortable life, travel, and lovely nieces and nephews.

Gave birth to our “happy accident” a few months after my 40th, chasing around a robustly normal, deviously clever near-two-year-old now.

I'm so sorry for the hard times you went through and so happy to hear about your happy accident! I hope you're enjoying your little two-year-old very much!!

You seem a little obnoxious!

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