Comment by itsthejb | Hacker News Reader

Comment by itsthejb | Hacker News Reader

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I’d warn the poster to be wary of descriptions like this of meeting “the one” - it seems already that she might be a bit too close to well marketed content that sells the dream of this experience of being a “lightning bolt from heaven”. That expectation is very appealing from romantic standpoint of lifting oneself out life’s mostly dreary mundanity…. However in my experience that/those incredibly intense first experiences have NEVER failed to be anything but (at best) the crushing disappointment of baseless assumptions meeting reality, and at worst the beginning of a “situation” with someone with highly questionable goals, morals and expectations

THE SUCCESSFUL relationships I’ve had have unfailing started with a tone of calm, comfort, and unexpectedly cosy familiarity. Not the emotional explosion everyone seems to want to hold out for, but is something that is a base to build on

> THE SUCCESSFUL relationships I’ve had have unfailing started with a tone of calm, comfort, and unexpectedly cosy familiarity.

I think you're just describing the same thing, experienced differently, because we are different people.

My main point is that it's not uncommon at all to know, on some level, that what you have with a given person is very different from what you've had with others well before you're sure it's serious.

> However in my experience that/those incredibly intense first experiences have NEVER failed to be anything but (at best) the crushing disappointment of baseless assumptions meeting reality, and at worst the beginning of a “situation” with someone with highly questionable goals, morals and expectations

I'm sorry this has been your experience. And it's true, I am telling a cute version of the story that didn't include all the hard hard work of having an actual functioning relationship. Suffice it to say that there has been a huge amount of that, as well. Something being intense does not make it easy or healthy, you're right. But I also don't think OP is wrong to hope for something like that, or that it can't happen, and I think that it happening does not necessarily mean you'll end up in a "situation".

I loved your story

The best one I had just felt so easy when I met them. So simple, so easy. That’s the only way I can describe it :)

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