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Comment by kitsunesoba | Hacker News Reader

As someone who was homeschooled for the majority of my childhood, I fully agree. I was able to somewhat overcome the resulting lack of social development in late high school (which wasn’t at home) and uni, but it wouldn’t be until some time between my mid 20s and early 30s that I felt like a mostly socially functional adult, and I still feel inadequacies in that department even now.

Additionally, I don’t know that I’d ever feel qualified to act as a teacher in as wide of a range of subjects as a child needs education in.

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My wife and I were both homeschooled (I also attended private and public schools at various times). With homeschooling, we had a lot of positive social interactions (4-H, history club, co-operative classes with other families, neighborhood kids) and essentially no negative ones. My experience in public schools was quite negative (as well as being educationally weak). Our third son is autistic (probably my genetics) and does very well being homeschooled. Since he is nearly non-verbal, the likelihood that he would encounter abuse in a traditional setting that he could not report is quite high. Of course, having siblings contributes to socialization.

Yeah, I won’t deny that it can work well and produce well-rounded, socially capable adults, but it’s dependent on the parent(s) getting a lot right in doing it, which is anything but a given. Homeschooling isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly, and I think that parent(s) considering it should be honest with themselves in evaluating their ability to pull it off well.

Homeschooling does require a lot of commitment and consideration of your limitations as a parent. For example, I think there is value to cooperative homeschooling for some subjects (e.g., science, which requires equipment). Trying to "go it alone" for everything can be a bad idea. In addition, most states don't provide funding to school at home, so homeschooling parents also face an economic disadvantage.

> essentially no negative ones

Negative interactions can sometimes be a help, or a part of life, or whatever is the right phrase. In Jr High one day after school some kids beat me and a friend up (for no reason that I could figure out). Of course, I won't say "it made me who I am today" or any baloney like that but it certainly helped cement a resolve to not be them.

> nearly non-verbal

Yes, for sure the individual kid is the prime thing a person worries about. I am glad to hear he does well.

I still hate bullies to this day, but there's no denying that they made me tougher.

All my life I had been taught that bullies were dumb. Imagine my surprise when I arrived at college and came across the first bully I met who was smarter than me. Much smarter than me. Didn’t make me tougher, but it made me realize even as you become an adult there are simply people to be avoided.

I think everyone takes until mid 20s/early 30s to become socially functional. I went to normal school, and even day care (parents both worked), and I didn't totally overcome my social anxiety until I was 30 and had kids of my own. I still feel like I could do better.

Of course, I'm slightly biased, as we're probably going to end up going the homeschooling route. We were 50/50 before, but with COVID, we joined our church's homeschool coop, and because of that both our daughters are better socialized than peers their age. They meet every day. Older kids even meet up without their parents there (although there's always someone watching). Parents also hire tutors as groups, more like a 'pod' than traditional homeschooling. I think it'll work for us

> but it wouldn’t be until some time between my mid 20s and early 30s that I felt like a mostly socially functional adult

Just for the record, it's also common for people who attended school to not be really socially functional adults until their 20s-30s (hi!), and many people also never really even manage to realize this about themselves, so you're not necessarily worse off than an average non-homeschooled kid here.

I went to normal school and university, and despite this I still feel socially ackward.

I always blamed my dad, and my raising for my problems. My problems started being solved when I forgave my dad, and all the people that hurt me in the past.

I had to take responsibility and stop blaming others for my problems.

For homeschooled people I believe it is very tempting to blame homeschooling for their problems. It is too convenient. I don't know how to speak to women, homeschool problem. I don't know how to socialize, homeschool problem. I am alone, homeschool problem. Beware its not your case. Regards.

what's your process for forgiving someone?

It was long ago so I don't remember the details, it was part of Church process.

I recommended the following: 1. Understand that you are a sinner and that you wrong people very bad. In other words, recognize that you need forgiveness yourself. 2. Recognize that the other person is sinful as well. 3. Re-live the moment and recognize that it hurts. 4. Realize that the other person fucked up really bad. Don't apologize for them. 5. Forgive them. Thinking that if you don't, the problem will hunt you (not the other person).

Repeat this process several times during several years and you will be able to do it.

You should take the time to enumerate the topics you think a kid should know. I know that once I did this, I found many of the topics in public schooling to be BS. Some have said "the three R's-- reading, writing, and arithmetic" If you cover those extremely well, you can't ask for much more. There should be more, but you decide.

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