Ask HN: Suggestions for dealing with overwhelm? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Suggestions for dealing with overwhelm?

2 pointsjackkkk2 comments

I have a little over 3YOE and am being forced into a full-stack role from FE development with backend and devops responsibilities with a lot of engineers leaving. Right now I'm overwhelmed by the number of things that needs to be handled and learn and don't really have many seniors I can lean on for help and guidance.

I'd like to look for a new role and a more suitable workload but even then I am overwhelmed by the interview preparation grind. I'd like to be able to resign and take time off to focus solely on finding a new role with a more manageable workload but I have bills and loans to pay and a family to support (though this is perhaps adding to my feeling of stress and overwhelm) and would like to burn my savings only as matter of last resort. (but how do I know if I'm at that point?)

Things I have tried or am currently doing:

  - prioritizing sleep and exercise and eating well
  - meditation, maintaining my mental health with biweekly visits to a therapist
  - delegating tasks to juniors (which doesn't end as well as I'd hope)

Things I am working on:

  - prioritizing. everything feels so important yet at the end of the day it just feels like I'm spinning my wheels without making much progress on anything

Any tips or suggestions?

I'm in a similar position at work. I've just decided that what they are asking for is unreasonable, so I just pick whatever I feel is the actual most important thing and work on that during the normal work day. If the company's goals aren't being met, then they need to figure out their actual (realistic) priorities or hire the appropriate number of people to do the work. So far my boss hasn't said anything to me about not doing enough, and from things I've heard him say to others, he wouldn't be shy about it if there was an issue.

I'm also looking to pay down debt (just the mortgage left) as fast as possible so I can feel more comfortable moving to a new job, even if it means less money. I'm giving up some nice-to-haves now so I can have them later without the weight of payments on my shoulders. Having a lower cost of living will allow me to make different decisions on how and where I work. If I do choose to stay at my current job, I suspect I'll feel less trapped in it. I would guess the same would be true for you.

>prioritizing. everything feels so important yet at the end of the day it just feels like I'm spinning my wheels without making much progress on anything

If everything is important, nothing is important. Figuring out your actual priority is key. Then you can actually finish stuff. A lot of people, management especially, love to see progress on everything at once. In reality you will often finish your 3rd priority faster if you don't start on it at all until priority 1 and 2 are finished. I really like this graph to show the cost of context switching when trying to work on everything at once.

https://benjaminspall.com/content/images/size/w1600/2022/05/...

Graph pulled from this article: https://benjaminspall.com/context-switching/

Something like the Eisenhower Matrix might be good to help you prioritize things and figure out what to delegate, what to do yourself, and what to drop completely. I find that 80% of what I'm asked to do ends up not mattering at all after 6 months or so.

Ditch the therapist and solve the problem, which is the job doesn't have a way to end well.

Look for a role that might pay a bit less, but won't eat all your time and make you think you need a therapist.

Your kids, your spouse, and your career all compete for all of your attention and it is a zero-sum game.

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