Posttraumatic Embitterment Disorder | Hacker News Reader

Posttraumatic Embitterment Disorder

en.wikipedia.org

28 pointstediousdemise13 comments

Hey, this sounds exactly like what I've been struggling with! Thank you. Maybe now I can put the cycle to rest.

So feeling bitter after you feel you've been humiliated...?

Hey! This sounds like my ex!

Any advice on how to deal with that? It's been a decade and things are increasingly scary.

For you or them? I think if they don't want to get better or admit they have an issue it is very hard. In my experience and from what the article says, it seems to stem from the internalized feeling that you are helpless (because other people traumatized you) but also that you are at fault (because you should've known better or you should be able to control your responses 100% of the time). This sets up a very adversarial and resentful inner view of conflict. As your responses destroy both your own health and your relationships, these views are reinforced.

Learning to accept that you are NOT ruined, that other people's actions aren't your fault, and that people don't hate you just because you have conflict seems to be the stem of this for me. From the therapy side, that seems to be what has helped my symptoms. Extremely freeing and I'm very happy to hear that there is a name for this.

My ex. She won't leave me alone. We do have a kid together, but it's a bit over-the-top.

I can't post anything online under my real name (her mission in life is to protect the universe from me). If she finds out I'm associating with anyone, she'll try to network in to warn them off. Everyone in my life has been told that I'm abusive in some way or another. There's random harassment litigation. It's boundless. She just emailed me today saying she sent over a hundred bucks to some random political organization in my home country, which is invariably part of some convoluted scheme. She's broken into my computers before. Etc. She's smart, and there's never quite enough evidence for a restraining order or similar legal channels (and she's a much better communicator than I am; everyone believes her).

She divorced me, but she won't leave me alone.

Dealing with her nonsense is like a full time job.

Don't know your situation beyond what you've disclosed here, but this may not be PTED, just borderline/histrionic personality disorder. You say she's smart, so Narcissistic might be in scope as well (though I find former-school-bully-types are most often the ones who lean that way). Whatever the "diagnosis," reading up on dealing with the behaviors of these types might be of some help to you.

> She just emailed me today saying she sent over a hundred bucks to some random political organization in my home country, which is invariably part of some convoluted scheme.

Doubtless. You might want to look into this "random" organization and make sure she didn't sign your name to it to get you on the public donor list for your local chapter of NAMBLA. These types love to mislead and/or lie by omission. Even if this organization is legit, you're looking where she wants you to look, so it may still be a red herring.

> She's smart, and there's never quite enough evidence for a restraining order or similar legal channels (and she's a much better communicator than I am; everyone believes her).

Your reputation is clearly under assault-- if you haven't already, put a Google alert out on your name to pick up on any developments in the future. She seems the type to know better than to publish anything defamatory herself, hence my above speculation (such action would make you appear to defame yourself).

For what it's worth, after the successes of #MeToo it didn't take long for the opportunists to undermine the credibility of all women. The world is losing patience for its Amber Heards.

Good advice. I've had friends with borderline partners and they were very dangerous and controlling once things went bad. BPD patients tend to have trouble with the self-awareness part of it so treatment is hard as well (afaik).

Oh god. A bit over-the-top is putting it mildly. If she won't get help I don't know what you can do. Learn how to communicate and defend yourself better could be a start. Sounds like protecting yourself is the only option unless you can get through to her somehow. If you have any insight into why she feels so strongly about how "bad" you are it could be a start as well. Sorry to hear that, it sounds like a real horror story.

Psych doc for your reference https://www.karger.com/article/FullText/511468#:~:text=PTED%....

And here I thought it was just depression.

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