I grew up playing in the woods, away from more urban environments, and eventually started a family in a very urban environment. It was very jarring to discover what people tend to think is acceptable for kids to get up to; letting my 4 year old climb a “big kid” slide seemingly caused several people to think I was indirectly attempting infanticide or something.

I climbed very high trees and nearly shit myself trying to get back down. Sometimes I fell out of trees. I built dangerous forts. I started fires and cooked fish on them. I cut sticks with knives and shot at bottles with a small gun or a sling shot.

My kids have no idea what this stuff is like and how sheltered they are. I try to get them out in the world, I take one of them spearfishing and harvesting out in the ocean, we fish a bit, but ultimately they really are quite soft.

I have a feeling we don’t need to send our kids up trees and make them cook fish on a fire to “harden up”, but adversity in various forms and the opportunity to overcome it either with a group or independently seems invaluable to developing kids. I do get the sense (even from my wife) that this attitude isn’t so broadly accepted or comfortable for people.

I even volunteered with a scouting group in hopes my kids might find some good opportunities, but it was extremely mellow. Nice people, some great camp fire talk, but the kids were free to complain their way out of difficult tasks or discomfort and mostly played magic cards or sat lazily through activities we’d put together.

Parents were quick to complain to us if their kids expressed that they had to do anything they disliked. For example, a moderate hike or carrying water buckets for their camp mates.

I’m not sure. Is it such a big deal? Am I myopic and assuming my youth experience had more value than theirs?

Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn’t be better off if my childhood was a little more demanding, really. I don’t mean this in a masculine context specifically, but I often feel soft. Lack of discipline, unwilling to face discomfort, etc. Perhaps my perspective on the entire matter is limited and/or poor to begin with.

I’ve read quite a bit of childhood psychology around these matters from the likes of Steve Biddulph and D.W. Winnicott but I think I could stand to read quite a bit more.

These kinds of topics always remind me of the sort of cyclical silliness evident in this quote:

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

— Socrates