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Abuse is very relative too. My parents don't feel like they abused me, in their reality all they do is love me, but in mine they're harming me repeatedly. To society it's probably in the gray area. They have emotional baggage from their childhood, causing failure and limits in understanding of others that is very hard to manage.

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I used to think that abuse had to be conscious and with intent to be abuse but it most definitely doesn't. A parent can be doing their best, and loving in their eyes, and abusing/neglecting their kid.

I’m really not sure we should be using the word abuse in some of these discussions.

Could say "neglect", unintentional neglect on some aspects of the child by (innocently) ignorant parent(s).

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