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Comment by t-3 | Hacker News Reader

Not so surprising, as someone who was recently in their 20s. Dating is old fashioned and very consumeristic/wealth oriented. I've also never been on a date, because my social strata only goes out to party, not to eat at expensive restaurants with dress codes and shit, or theaters with $20 popcorn. We have kitchens and netflix.

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Well, that’s just like your opinion man. Some of the best dates I have been on have been dinner at home, picnic in a park or at the beach, hiking, etc. Just do not attract people looking to relationships to fill their financial needs.

Agreed. A date = two people spending some time getting to know each other to see if there is romantic (or sexual) compatibility. Don't need to read to far into it.

> We have kitchens and netflix.

Well that's also a date. Do you think respondents misunderstand the word?

Does a date imply going somewhere? Most of my dates were at mine or other party's home, and we'd describe them as "dates".

Yeah, in my view, going on a date means going out to in a one-on-one format. Going to each others' house is just normal friend stuff, with the only difference from hanging out with my same-sex friends being sexual activity.

Are you telling us that kids these days don't have boyfriends and girlfriends? Just fuck buddies? The biological phenomenon of falling in love evolved out of the species in one generation? I don't believe it.

I can only say that round these parts, dates are not defined such, and are not at all about consumption.

Who knows what does it mean exactly for participants? :)

This is more about interest. Two opposite sex unattached adults hanging out alone with each other will probably progress to dating if it goes on long enough unless there is something explicitly wrong with a sexual relationship (aka one person doesn't have a normal sexual drive/whatever).

AKA, there may be sexual interest simply due to the lack of immediate alternatives but neither party knows how to express it outright, so the flirting and hanging out together becomes more overt until its clear to both parties.

(PS: This is sorta why you don't see a lot of married opposite sex people "hanging out" alone in private. There is an understanding that your putting both people in a position of temptation, or if nothing else the situation definitely fires up the rumor mill because frankly there is a high incidence of cheating, and this is one of the clearer ways this happens. ).

Most Japanese live in cities. Japanese homes in cities are very small. Most of Japanese night life is lived outside the home.

Same here (European, btw, not Japanese). I've only ever been on one "date" in my lifetime. The rest of my mating life has always been in the context of friend groups, rather than 1:1 meetings in some public place.

Things that I have done that I don't consider a date:

- meeting up at a friends' house while both knowing the other would be there, then leaving together afterwards (not 1:1)

- just meeting up after class/work and spending the evening together (not an event)

- accompanying each other to some mutual friend's event (concert/dj gig, party, theatre show) (not 1:1)

- going to the movies with a friend because her boyfriend wasn't into horror, but I was (1:1, and an event, but no romantic intent)

- inviting each other over for game/movie nights with friends (not 1:1)

- making plans together (e.g. for music festivals, concerts, sports events) and inviting friends along for added fun (not 1:1)

- going out for dinner together while we're already going steady (strictly speaking it's a date, but not in the context of "dating")

How is going out to dinner with your steady partner not the most unambiguous example of a date?

I've gone out to dinner with my mother and long-term friends, but I'm not dating any of them. Sometimes eating is just eating.

Emphasis on with your steady partner

My steady partner is a long-term friend. Not everything is sexual or dating just because we are, in fact, in a relationship that includes sex.

Sometimes eating is just eating.

Going steady is commonly understood to mean a long term , serious romantic relationship

Being obtuse and choosing obscure definitions of terms to win points on technicalities isn’t clever, it’s childish

I do know what it means. That doesn't mean that everything done while in that relationship has anything to do with romance. Sometimes eating is just eating. This isn't making up definitions. It is acknowledging there is a vast difference to what folks call "date night" and stopping to eat on the way home from a destination. Sometimes eating is just eating.

Calling me childish for having that view seems childish in itself. I'm simply not romanticising everything.

Semantic arguments are childish

A date and be a walk in the park with a picnic lunch. It doesn’t have to cost money.

My dates pre-marriage with my current wife were one of us would pack two lunches (spaghetti was a common one) and meet up on campus and eat together in the cafeteria. Almost every week.

> Not so surprising, as someone who was recently in their 20s. Dating is old fashioned and very consumeristic/wealth oriented. I've also never been on a date, because my social strata only goes out to party, not to eat at expensive restaurants with dress codes and shit, or theaters with $20 popcorn. We have kitchens and netflix.

I don't know what any of that has to do with anything. It feels like a perspective overly influenced by depictions in movies and TV [1]. A date is literally just getting together with someone who is or could be a romantic partner.

[1] Which present fake or highly distorted pictures of reality for entertainment purposes. Compare a "high school movie" to your actual experience in high school. It's very likely that the former is completely unrepresentative, because most people lead lives that aren't tailored for spectators.

Dating doesn't mean going to a restaurant. I'm pretty sure for most of three peole Netflix at home is dating.

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. Is your point that you still have romantic interactions with your preferred sex but that it isn't in the "dating" form? Or are you saying the entire thing is old fashioned and something you're uninterested in?

Interesting. What does going on a "date" even mean these days?

Good question. I was married AND divorced far before I went on my first date.

The general issue, however, is widespread loneliness.

"go out with (someone in whom one is romantically or sexually interested)"

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