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The limits really are pretty low...

Is the UK government really worried about someone with a fake ID converting £800 of old cash to new cash?

Anyone with £800 in cash seems pretty suspicious to me. How do you even get that?

I have £100 in cash because an old person who doesn't internet bank paid me back their half of a couple of meals out, and I don't know what I'm going to do with it. It'll last me over a year.

This is a fairly wild idea, but you could spend the cash on goods and services.

Two trips to a restaurant should do it.

(But I keep a similar amount at home, just in case of emergency.)

I could do that, but it's a hassle compared to just waving your phone at a terminal. Cash is increasingly an inconvenience.

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