1. Watching a new interesting show or a re-run on Netflix, sipping a cup of coffee (or having a few drags of vape occasionally).
2. Going on a long aimless drive with country music, and stopping somewhere along the coastline to enjoy the view of sea or ships sailing at a distance.
I don't have kids or pets. Living in Japan. The horrors of everyday dealing with GCP/AWS & Japanese office regimen needs occasional quenching by solitude.
Quite simple. US became a nightmare towards the end.
As an immigrant grad student without much means, I couldn't support myself long. After my advisor cut off funding, I tried finding a job. I didn't have money to pay the bills soon after & US job process was getting long & convoluted with internal referrals, pointless rounds of interviews, HR meetings. I needed money to feed myself - I was skipping some meals to save money.
I had self respect not to work at a gas-station illegally or at one of the asian IT sweatshops by falsifying my CV. Japan government offered me funding at University of Tokyo & I grabbed the offer. Finished my PhD in CS with that opportunity. It has been 6 years and counting.
Here is one thing though: I earn comfortable now. But the trauma of poverty never leaves you. Even though I work in CS/ML, my life is pretty austere. I stick to the 'needs', and avoid the 'wants' as much as possible. Maybe it will take some years - or maybe these habits won't go. The one thing I never wish for anyone is hunger. Once you have lived through it, you won't want to be in that position ever again.
I wouldn't discount the difficulties of not knowing the local language. Living in Japan is not easy if you do not speak or understand Japanese. Every single form or application is in Japanese. All government related procedures are in Japanese. Banner signboards & instructions too. You'd miss out on several important bulletins e.g. tax instructions, license updation etc., if you read only the EN versions, as Japanese ones are more detailed & explanatory. One-to-one translation of information is not guaranteed with such documents.
Congratulations on getting out of it tho! My father grew up pretty much piss poor with a single mother. His reaction to living in poverty is completely the opposite. He never keeps money and buys everything in excess. Probably a way to overcompensate and, as you said, to not want to love in that position ever again.
I am the only one who does their ETL, manage their database, build the backend and dashboard and pursue ML projects on 3D AR/MR at the same time. For them, as the 4X engineer I am shouldering half of the engineering workload
I dated three women in past 5 years. The first, a dentist of same nationality as me. She was caught cheating with her senior. It was a body blow because I was an inch away from marrying her. The second was 7-8 years younger than me, and she left me when she moved to NY. It was unceremonious & rude, and given that I came to know about her new status from mutual friends rather than herself, it was bitterly humiliating.
I met a wonderful person - a local - while discussing music. We have been married for sometime now. We are not from the same field. That reduces friction & gives some opportunity for different perspective on work-life. No children yet but that's okay.
Social life is otherwise fine. I have a core set of friends, which I can count with my fingers. We meet up weekly & have dinner, usually on Fridays.
To me, the zone is any situation that makes the baseline pain of being alive go away (there's too much to unpack here, so I won't).
Things that can bring me in the zone:
* Riding my Honda CB750F, especially without a destination, just moving through the world in this raw, old-fashioned way liberates my mind and puts me at such ease.
* Coding something I like.. Again it's not entirely the destination that matters, it's the journey, the work itself that changes my focus from the mundane to the creative.
* Listening to great music while doing almost anything, including not doing anything.
* Watching a movie or tv show with my wife or a friend.
* Creating something, art or invention or utilitarian object, changing my environment to suit me.
* Unstructured time to myself with no immediate tasks that has to be done, so that I can entirely let go of any thought and just drift, having no plans whatsoever.. This is probably my favourite thing in the world, but also most difficult for me to achieve..
> This is probably my favourite thing in the world, but also most difficult for me to achieve
Came here to say this. For me I have to coax creativity and serendipity, it doesn't happen naturally. Action precedes motivation.
Sure, it's an intense burst of pleasure, but I'd not want to spend 4-5 hours per day doing it, and time is definitely an important component for me, if I can do something for a long time and enjoy that time, that's like an enjoyment multiplier for me, I want something nice and to be in that nice place as long as I can.
Sex is usually very different and all about dopamine-like immediate intense pleasure, excitement, adrenaline. You can build dopamine tolerance and start needing more for the same 'kick'. Afterwards you can end up feeling more low than before due to a dopamine 'valley'. Then there is also the 'Coolidge effect'.
I suspect very different neurotransmitters are involved.
In other words, to exaggerate: the feeling of being in the zone you get from 'repairing stuff' is as similar to the feeling from sex, as the enjoyment of practicing calligraphy or meditation or tai chi is similar to taking heroin.
Also, repairing stuff is something I absolutely love too! I forgot about that one. Even if I can't restore it to 100%, but often I can, and put my own spin on it, and it's very satisfying.
As I get older I realize I have to keep switching it up. So one year it’s suddenly road cycling and I did 1000 miles in a year after doing probably 10 miles combined during the 10 years before. Also learned about bike maintenance as a part of that. Then 2-3 years after it happened to be mountain biking, lots of new skills to acquire there. Similar story with competitive video games, after not touching them for a decade or more I immersed myself in Valorant for a year and learned as much as I could about tactical FPS. Then 2 years after I switched from reading only 1-4 non-fiction books per year to reading several novels in a month. It’s odd, if you asked me 10 years ago I had a clear favorite video game, movie, hobby etc like “I’m a soccer guy” or “I love LOTR” - nowadays it’s weird, the excitement for things I’ve done often in the past is getting less and unless I make sure I find new pursuits it gets boring.
https://archive.org/details/genghiskhantheem035122mbp/page/n...
One day in the pavilion at Karakorum he asked
an officer of the Mongol guard what, in all the
world, could bring the greatest happiness.
"The open steppe, a clear day, and a swift horse
under you," responded the officer after a little
thought, "and a falcon on your on your wrist to
start up hares."
"Nay," responded the Khan, "to crush your enemies,
to see them fall at your feet -- to take their
horses and goods and hear the lamentation of
their women. That is best."Conversely, nothing else feels quite as terrible as when someone I care about has an unfixable problem.
I was thinking clients.
And of course with all the toddlers around, its just all around adorableness everywhere
This video pretty much sums it up: https://youtu.be/AvKTMv4E09Y?t=99 Yes you need ear plugs.
Metal gigs with good moshpits and great crowds... If someone falls over, three people are hauling them back up onto their feet. Everyone looks out for each other.
Skindred do the "Newport Helicopter" where everyone removes an item of clothing and swings it around their head. Slipknot do a thing where everyone crouches down and then jumps up at the same time. It sounds stupid, but the whole crowd, already buzzing, exploding in unison is amazing.
Some of my gig buddies have tinnitus because they didn't look after their hearing though. Always earplugs.
I'm lucky to be living in S. California where yes we have traffic but gosh if you love nature and just enjoying scenery its amazing. Even if I'm stuck in traffic I've got views of mountains and all sorts of people watching. SO many cool spots to stop and explore.
I drive all around LA, and if I'm bored some weekend I'll get an airbnb in SF and drive up there along the coast. Put on some good music or podcast and just explore by stopping at different restaurants and pit stops.
I love driving. I can't wait for the day that people have space ships. I want to fly around canyons and then zip straight into space, warp jump to some other planet and explore it, before going home.
When I feel low, I grab my keys and wallet and head out.
1. Travelling - just going somewhere, taking a train ride, just being on the move, a trek, or a place even 80-100km from the city or sometimes closer; for 1-2 days, or few months at a stretch. I really feel I’m breathing more, feel like I am “alive” (I don’t know how else to say this), I feel genuinely and effortlessly happy when I’m travelling. I sleep better (!!), I write when I travel.
2. Playing sports - my daily badminton or cricket used to be by daily battery charges which came crashing down at the start of the pandemic. Or running (I count that as sport - I really like running)
3. Literature and world cinema
To a runner, you are your own opponent, your feet and the terrain the challenges and the elation and endorphin rush afterwards the goal/reward.
And watching running, well, watching capable elite runners glide effortlessly or outdoing themselves with a surge from deep within - it's kinda exhilarating just willing them on. And if that's not sport.. Not sure what qualifies :)
Getting blackout drunk etc once a year with my less responsible friends and wreak a little havoc at the place. Sinking couch in a pool, terrace broken by falling/wrestling, next day investigations, you get the idea. Going off the rails helps with stress much better than vacation (unless it’s included into the setting).
This hobby has it's seeds in creative habits I've had for most of my adult life but in the last six years or so I started to realize that it was the thing I enjoyed the most and it was really beneficial to my mental health and well being so I started making the efforts more deliberate and investing in gear and infrastructure to get closer to the dreams that have been in my head forever.
In a few weeks I have some long time collaborators flying in for a week long thing where the fruits of that effort are going to be explored hooking the 3D space to the musical stuff with some depth scanners, projectors, and fancy HD cameras and also two giant FANUC industrial robots controlled by the software stack and synths in tandem.
Follow your dreams kids! You too can make art that likely no one will care about but you and it will be awesome the whole time! It will be expensive and you'll never recoup the money spent... but if people don't look at you like you're a raving psycho when you tell them about your dreams, you probably have some room to have your dreams be more ridiculous. Also, it beats the heck out of remembering that people want me to build them web applications and my chosen profession is mostly a joke.
With dogs, that is eternal.
It’s almost a meditative practice. I only drink one cup a day but there’s nothing else that really comes to that moment. Preparing it. Taking in the pleasant aromas. The warm feeling.
After 40: A calm place, peace of mind, simple joys.
Statistically speaking though, when measured scientifically people in general are actually found to be overall less happy with kids. This is the scientific measure. But when you ask people directly whether or not they're happier with kids, they almost always say they are. It's as if they aren't fully aware about how unhappy they are with the kids.
It's really hard to define whether they aren't or are happier. Is delusional happiness actually happiness? Isn't all happiness some sort of delusion anyway? Hard to say.
Also keep in mind that although in general people are less happy with kids, there is also correlation with how well you're doing economically. If you're rich you're more likely to happier with kids.
It's as if having kids rewrote the utility function of the person, introducing a bug to pass the test suite ("self satisfaction") to allow for a wider diffusion of the behavior ("I'm so much happier now, trust me it's wonderful!"), yet in a flawed way (i.e. that's not robust to scientific inquiry, as you observed)
On average people with kids would rate their happiness lower, but when these people are asked whether having kids made them happier they would say yes.
So are they happier? Not sure. Could be exactly as you say, but in one sense that bug may actually mean they are truly happier.
This can be quite easily explained by peer pressure - You are expected to treat children as precious little gifts from god, and speaking ill about them makes you look bad in the eyes of your peers.
That being said I have also (fewer) close friends who have told me they are less happy. So you have a point.
The fact is, you will encounter plenty of misery in life regardless. You should not choose based on what makes you happy, but arguably based on what kinds of misery you are more suited to - the misery of having children or the misery of not having children.
- If I were to travel back in time and convey that information to my past self, it would make him want a child more, not less.
- If you were to travel back in time and tell my past self "I talked to your future self, he said he'd probably be happier without a kid," and he believed you, then he might choose the opposite path. But that's because you didn't give him all the information.
In other words, given full and accurate knowledge of this future, I would not choose the other future. Once you're a parent you can never not be a parent again, not even in a hypothetical multiple-worlds time-travel scenario.
This is not true at all. It's not a logical answer. Based of what you just said above, I believe you are being honest but I believe your biases are creeping into the answer and therefore cannot trust it. I'm sorry.
The reason is because if you erased your memory of being a parent with time travel, you actually CAN not be a parent. This is a very legitimate possibility for anyone. You are letting your emotions interfere with logic.
That being said, I am interested in this:
>If I were to travel back in time and convey that information to my past self, it would make him want a child more, not less.
You would tell your past self that you would be less happy, but you would be able to convince him to have a kid regardless as if he could understand your reasoning through you simply communicating vocally to him. My question to you is why didn't you try communicating this knowledge to me? Why do say vague things like "Once you're a parent you can never not be a parent again" without clearly elucidating the logic behind it? I am very much interested in this logic and would like to hear it despite the fact that I think you're answer has the possibility of being biased.
If your logic is convincing then of course you're not biased and I am wrong. But honestly right now because of what you said, it just appears you're biased, but I would very much like to be proven wrong.
It's a simple sentence. Your comments feel tiresome and pushy.
Once you're a parent you can never not be a parent again because that kid is simultaneously a part of you, potential manifestation of all your dreams and hopes that you can't or won't accomplish, they're your friend, companion, confidant. They're here to stay. You understand them and they understand you like no one else does. You're same blood. It's powerful, deeply ingrained set of thoughts and feelings that you can get a hint of sometimes but can never experience fully until you make your own kid.
All previous statements have varying degrees of truth for most people, hence the fear of having family and children, esp. coming from non ideal backgrounds.
And this is how You get tiger moms ladies and gentlemen (only half joking - Your child is first and foremost independent human and not extension of yourself).
>> You understand them and they understand you like no one else does.
I think I have never seen this in my life - where do You think generational conflicts comes from?
Either way, Thanks for the answer but your words would not convince me to have a kid if the result of everything you said meant that I would be significantly unhappier.
This is really what I'm driving at: What is it can you actually say to convince someone who's not a parent to become one despite the fact that it will make you significantly unhappier.
I mean you explained why you can't stop being a parent, you've explained the benefits of being a parent but you haven't explained why you should start being one despite knowledge of NET unhappiness in the future.
We're talking about memory erasure plus accurate knowledge of the future. The combination is different from memory erasure by itself. Not knowing what parenthood is like, I would choose to become a parent - I know this because that's what actually happened. Accurate knowledge of the future would not change that decision, for the reasons I gave.
>You would tell your past self that you would be less happy, but you would be able to convince him to have a kid regardless as if he could understand your reasoning through you simply communicating vocally to him. My question to you is why didn't you try communicating this knowledge to me?
- I'm not convincing him, I'm merely conveying information. I have nothing to gain or lose, and I already know what he's going to do absent the information.
- He could understand my reasoning because he's me, I know everything about him, and he trusts me implicitly because I have nothing to gain by deceiving him.
- I can't trust you to convey my thinking accurately because you are biased by your own worldview, as am I. He can't trust you either. Therefore any information you give him would be imperfect, tainted by the impossibility of communication between different people. My point is that only that kind of imperfect information might change his behaviour.
>your words would not convince me to have a kid if the result of everything you said meant that I would be significantly unhappier.
Who said anything about convincing you? Past me is already inclined to have a child, whereas you appear to be quite against it. Moreover, it would be very irresponsible of me to convince you to act against your own self-interest. But I will attempt it...
Some axioms:
1. A quiet, uneventful, comfortable life with amiable companionship is the epitome of happiness.
2. Happiness is not the only measure on which the quality of a life can be judged.
3. It is possible for two equally logical processes with different sets of priorities to arrive at contrary conclusions.
Say that tonight, Mephistopheles appears in your room and offers you the chance to travel throughout space and time and learn all the secrets of the universe. Being all-knowing, he also tells you with undeniable authority that saying yes will make you somewhat less happy than saying no. What would you say? I would say yes without question. My curiosity is more important than my happiness.
Say that tonight, Beelzebub appears in your room and offers to take 50 points off your IQ in exchange for serene ignorance of all that goes on around you. You will live out the remainder of your life in physical comfort and absolute, beatific bliss in a centre for the severely disabled. What would you say? I would say no, without question. My ability to perceive the world is more important than my happiness.
I use the metaphors of knowledge and curiosity because I expect they will appeal to your sensibilities. The set of priorities that led me to becoming a parent is unique to me, and I doubt you would find it convincing, so I will not spend time typing it out. But perhaps the metaphor will open your mind to the idea that happy is not always the best thing you can be.
But here's the thing. I cannot be happy knowing that I made that choice. I have to be completely unaware that I chose to be stupid. Total ignorance is bliss.
Anyway. What you chose not to type out is literally what I'm trying to understand. It's fine though, I think it's likely hard for you to pinpoint what it is in words. We can leave it at that unless you think up another way to say it. Thank you again for the metaphor.
In your study parentd give a lower 1-10 ranking when asked how they feel in a particular moment, on random timers.
When cleaning up shit of someone you love, sure it sucks at that particular moment but your life's full of meaning.
So given that we can have two persons with life full of meaning, one of which is feeling down most of the time, and both of them somehow selected this life for themselves - its not quite hard to point at not having children as a better way of life. I speak of course from the point of view of me/solicity - others should have as many children as it is required to keep my precious useless stuff mass produced overseas to keep numbing consumptionism continuing until nothingness takes me back.
Not in most of the studies I've seen. Here's one that does:
https://sci-hub.hkvisa.net/10.1080/17439760.2013.830764
> for parents, the more time they spent taking care of children, the more meaningful their lives were. (Time spent taking care of children had no relation to happiness and if anything trended toward reducing happiness.)
> These findings illuminate the so-called ‘parenthood paradox,’ which is that most people want to be happy and want to become parents, but those two goals are in conflict insofar as becoming a parent often reduces happiness (e.g. Twenge, Campbell, & Foster, 2003; cf. Nelson et al., in press). Baumeister (1991) proposed that the parenthood paradox can be resolved by proposing that people seek not just happiness but also meaning, and so, they become parents because the gains in meaningfulness offset any losses in happiness. The present findings are consistent with that conclusion
- BBQing. My partner is vegetarian so I drastically reduced the amount of meat I'm eating. A few weeks ago, I finally made the jump and bought an electric BBQ. Eating a good piece of meat from the butcher on my balcony is amazing
- Tinkering with a Raspberry Pi after years of not doing anything technical
In general:
- Dancing at a concert/music festival
- Listening to music and find new favorites that I'll end up listening on repeat
- Being on a beach in front of the sea, ocean, taking a breath and feeling more alive than ever
- Riding a motorcycle in the spring/summer. I'd love to try an electric one.
Get a big roasting pan, say, an inexpensive granite roasting pan good for roasting turkeys. It will come with a cover, but don't need that for BBQ.
Get a wire rack to hold the meat. The rack will likely be adjustable and form a V shape. Right, put the rack in the roasting pan.
Get a fresh pork Picnic shoulder, ~9 pounds raw. That has the upper bone of the front arm. Higher up is the shoulder and called the Boston Butt. It can also work, but the Picnic shoulder is a little easier in separating the cooked meat from the fat, bone, and skin, especially the fat.
From a Picnic shoulder, might get about 51% of its weight in final, cooked, lean meat ready to eat -- at current prices, cost might be about 22 cents per ounce. My trials and arithmetic have the cost per ounce of cooked BBQ within $0.01 per ounce the same for either a Picnic shoulder or a Boston Butt.
Unwrap the pork (Picnic shoulder or Boston Butt), place it on the V rack in the roasting pan, insert a meat thermometer into the meat, place the pan in an oven at 200 F, and cook, ~19 hours, to an internal temperature of 175 F. So, the 200 F and 19 hours are an example of "low and slow".
Separate the results -- put the meat in containers, say, covered plastic 2 quarts each, and discard the fat, bone, and skin.
Can freeze or refrigerate the containers.
To eat, measure out what want, say, with some little electronic scales. Three ounces of the BBQ meat makes a meaty sandwich. Bring to room temperature, say, via 30 seconds in a microwave oven. Use a dull knife to chop the pieces and have the fibers separate a little like pulled pork. Then chop with a sharp knife to pieces suitable for a sandwich. Add favorite BBQ sauce and/or hot sauce. If want smoke flavor, then use a BBQ sauce with smoke or just add from a bottle of liquid smoke. Likely add some salt. Mix. Cover. Warm in microwave. Eat on hamburger buns or just toast.
East Tennessee likes pulled pork; West Tennessee is happy with chopped pork. Pulled means the fibers have been given more separation. What I have is some of both. With this version of "low and slow", the fibers will be well separated anywhere in Tennessee or anywhere else! The BBQ sauces used in East Tennessee seem to have more vinegar than, West Tennessee.
Notice that this procedure is especially simple: So, no outdoor smoker, no charcoal or other fire, no BBQ rub coating, nothing injected into the meat, no sauce during the cooking, and all the sauce applied only just before eating. To my taste, works fine.
If want, on top of the BBQ in each sandwich, add coleslaw. Simple coleslaw: Shred a head of fresh green cabbage. Add any bottled ranch salad dressing and mix. My experience is that this combination will keep well in the refrigerator for weeks.
Good shredding of just the cabbage alone is not easy to do. If the shredding is not fine enough, then just chop the results with a sharp knife.
Simple! Nearly fool proof. Proven -- I've been doing just this with good success for a few years now, with no more changes for the last few months. I have 10+ pounds of the results in the freezer now!
The BBQ sauce I use is Cattleman's Base BBQ Sauce Smoky in one gallon jugs I get from Amazon. And I add some Frank's RedHot hot sauce intended for chicken wings. And I do add salt and do top the BBQ in each sandwich with coleslaw.
If you do well separating the fat and look up estimates of the number of food calories per ounce of the cooked lean meat, might get a number about 40 -- surprisingly low. However, the ranch dressing isn't just a lot of buttermilk but has a lot of salad oil and a lot of calories per tablespoon.
~10-15: climbing trees, running, bikes
~13-18: writing software, studying physics, hacking, wardriving, gaming
~16-25: nightlife, relationships, running, driving, exploring all sides of the world
~26-28: nothing, most of the time; playing squash before the pandemic
~29: climbing boulders (esp. sending a route after many unsuccessful attempts), driving electric scooters, exploring different places while working remotely
They're cute, smart, interesting, kind, bring you back to the present like nothing else, and there's so much you can live with them, from quiet to high energy moments.
Working with them (the right way) forces you to learn patience, communication, emotion management and to curb your ego.
I would say, of all the strong defining events in my life, horses brought me the most and the best.
* noticing that after much practice I've gotten a tiny bit better at something (guitar, windsurfing, bouldering, anything really), and successfully putting all concerns about comparing myself to other people out of my mind.
* spending much of the day running/cycling/hiking/mountain climbing/windsurfing, getting back exhausted, and opening a cold beer
* sitting in a bar on holiday some place, with a small group of friends
Things that on balance do not bring me contentment or bliss, despite being popular answers here:
* conversations with intelligent, thoughtful, moderately attractive women. A brief period of contentment is followed later in the day by the slightly crushing knowledge that they are inevitably at least one of a) taken b) out of my league, and usually both.
* software development. I try to find enjoyment in the problem solving aspect, but all the scrum meetings, JIRA tickets, code review pettiness, and corporate hierarchy make me want to go and live in a cabin in the woods. Outside of work I no longer wish to have anything to do with computers.
Being cared and loved by the person you like.
The feeling of contentment before sleep when I was productive on that day.
When a bug finally yields to me after putting up a good fight.
When a live performance I have a hand in is sticking the landing on its most technically complex and artistically powerful moments.
Everything else is secondary.
Among those secondary things are - good coffee, getting into a flow and coding, new technology, and getting into bed at the end of a productive day.
It was Cryptonomicon, so I had about 1000+ pages left, and multiple books.
Oh, I am so glad that I discovered Stephenson. And I have HN to thank for that.
* Back scratches
* Publishing a new story after weeks or months of work
And watching Encanto with my daughter.
* Spending time with family
* Coffee
* Biking to work with my ebike on a protected bike lane along a river at 30mi/h
* Sunday volleyball on the beach
* Bouldering
* Technical reading (eg ML books)
* Playing pubg with friends every Friday
* Seeing passive income arrive in my account
Working on hard problems and achieving flow state.
Mountain biking.
I get most bliss from kayaking and paddle boarding at nights with my friends.
But those cliches aside I enjoy digging up food I've grown, and eating it. I enjoy baking bread - sometimes it looks awesome, sometimes it looks terrible, but it almost always tastes good enough to make the effort worthwhile.
And alongside those activities drinking a cold beer inside a hot sauna, with a naked body or two for company is something that is hard to beat.
When I have good access to nature, I'd like a walk or a stroll, too but where I'm from, it's quite faraway and unfortunately not in a pristine shape.
(2) Making it through the worst bottleneck in civilization, bad documentation of computer hard/software, and then getting my software that uses that hard/software to work.
(3) A new, really good performance of some of the best music of the top few classical music composers, Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin, Wagner, Puccini, Verdi, Tchaikovsky.
I would list proving a new theorem or making a successful application of some theorems, but that pleasure was ruined for me: I had a good background in math (career, independent study, college) and computing (career) both a good career and a good marriage going, and my wife, brilliant, PBK, etc., and I decided to go to a famous research university and each get a Ph.D. When we left I had been in a multi-year, highly threatening, bitter, no holds barred bar fight with lots of jealous professors. That I (a) by far led the class in the department Chair's flunk-out, filter course, (b) did the best in the class on 4 of the 5 qualifying exams (c) in two weeks independently did surprising, publishable research (later published), and (d) had good progress on my dissertation research when I arrived and easily, quickly completed the research independently all just made the fighting more bitter. It appears that the fighting caused 5 of the professors, including the department Chair, to be fired. And there were at least 3 more profs fighting me. One of the profs, famous, I happened to meet some years later, and he still wanted to fight with me. My wife was treated poorly, for the first time in her life of a brilliant, spotless academic record, and the stress put her into a depression and a clinical depression that proved fatal. When we got our Ph.D. degrees and left, my career was junk, my marriage was junk, my finances were ruined, and my wife was fatally injured. Three profs tried to be nice to me, and two of them taught me some good things, but nearly all the rest of the profs I knew just tried to destroy me. And one of my wife's profs tried to destroy her. So, tough for me to get much pleasure out of research or applications of math. Weekly the university sends me requests to send them money -- HA!!!!
Solution: Take advantage of the current fantastic, historic opportunities of computing and the Internet to pick a niche problem, find a best solution for the niche, write some code, do a startup, solve the problem. So, sole, solo founder, 100% owner, with no teachers, profs, managers, BoD, or investors over me. Users interact with my Web site and nearly never with me. Revenue? Run ads I get from ad networks, etc. One more instance of revenge of the nerds!
In those days, I feel like I'm being hunted by a tiger.
It doesn't necessarily make for a great career though, because much of the job is unrelated and you don't really get to work all night. It was fun to do something, fall asleep, then wake up and continue.
I have over a hundred that I've visited on my website https://www.niche-museums.com
Music comes second, especially live.
Both are usually improved if I’m with people I’m close to.
Two basic biological needs. Every time I eat or sleep it's like the first time.
It's all I really want to do.
Nothing comes close.
I’m in my early forties and it still gives me the same joy as it used to in my twenties, if not more.
It’s ok and healthy for a developer to stop coding after hours. But I don’t want to, at least not yet!
I liked editing my yard when I could. It's another summer of frustration as the Virginia Creeper and Weed Trees take over while I'm incapacitated, again! (Eye surgery this time) I'm hoping to get back out there by August, kill off a few hundred trees, and recommence the great edit.
In general, creating and curating things are the bees knees. Taking an idea, and bringing that into the world is fun as heck.
For me, there are several things that make me very happy:
- Getting calls from my parents
- Having a cocoon of friends that is like a second family
- Feeding on life's imperfect or dysfunctional experiences to build oneself (family or couple can be dysfunctional and it is these experiences that bring a form of joy when we overcome them together).
- Seeing that our actions have a positive impact on people's future (I make educational videos for embedded developers).
- Oh and chocolate too, a simple pleasure, but so effective
The last time I took it was so long ago, I can‘t remember. I see no upcomming situation where‘d I‘d be happy enough to take it.
When I need to relax, there are a few activities I really enjoy:
* Sit in nature and watch birds (yesterday two birds started making a nest in my birdhouse and I always find joy watching them)
* Hanging out with my two cats and dog; they are a great source of joy
* Learning from art. This comes in many forms, but I really like art that makes me reflect on my own life or life in general. Recently, I've been watching Studio Ghibli films and they are a great example. But I also enjoy comedy shows that simply give me a good laugh.
* Trying to create art (usually just sketching), which I don't do often, but enjoy it every time.
Spending time with children.
And making out.
2. Watching one of my older kids geek out over something that they've been waiting patiently for.
3. Being alone with my thoughts and a nice cigar.
Music, hikes, painting.
Flying aerobatics
Skiing and rock climbing at the edge of my ability
1. Chopin prelude plays on a bluetooth speaker. The room is dark. My mechanical keyboard emanates light. I solve problems with code. Code that is efficient, ingenious, redable, and scalable.
2. Learning new things in general. Or when it fits already accumulated knowledge. Like a new node in an already existing tree. This is somewhat abstract, sorry.
3. Spending time with SO. Any kind of time. Even mundane tasks like grocery shopping. I love her, and everything about her!
4. Cuddling with the dog. He reciprocates with licks and funny sounds and tail-wagging. Especially if it happens in our mango grove when there is strong breeze and there is no sun.
5. Swimming alone in a pond or lake when there is strong breeze and no sun (overcast). Especially butterfly and swimming face-up with no movement at all, with my ears submerged.
6. Being surrounded by mom and dad and eating special preparation cooked by her with dad reminiscing from his childhood.
7. Sitting in dark on rooftop while there is strong breeze. And reading calm, serene books like The Little Schemer.
8. Learning new Math. Gaining new perspectives, solving new problems.
9. Reading poetry that might not be mainstream but really touches me and are literary masterpieces. Like Vaishnava Padavalis and poems by Michael MS Dutt, and Jibanananda.
10. Being with like minded friends and dipping my feet in a river stream.
11. Understanding a hard, involved topic, and then explaining it plainly to people and when they get it. Especially if there is a strong stigma around the subject/topic being hard.
12. Thinking with writing and gaining new perspectives that I would not have gained without writing. pg talks about thinking with writing often. Also, randomly gaining epiphanies while doing something else.
13. Reciting poetry, especially when somewhat drunk.
14. Climbing highs with elongated period of hard work. Especially highs that I want to climb.
15. Consuming very high quality media of any kind. Like The Wire, Don Quixote, John Coltrane's Jazz, Chopin's Nocturnes, etc.
16. Reading big fat novels that are decades old, in paperback format, idly lying in bed in natural daylight and spending 5-6 hours doing it. Especially if the weather is somewhat hot.
17. After having exercised in the day, and having done deep focused work for some hours, the sleep I go into at night.
18. When I can help people that matters and there is a minor cost to myself. Or I have to work hard to help.
19. When beautiful, mature women pay attention to me/stare at me.
Making love and romancing a good woman.
Me and my buds drinking the good stuff and eating pizza.
Taking the kids out for ice cream
Drinking a good cappuccino with a croissant after a hard workout in the early morning
Swimming alone in the pool/ocean and just enjoying being alive
Going on a hike in the forest on magic mushrooms
Making music with my friends