Comment by OnionBlender | Hacker News Reader

Comment by OnionBlender | Hacker News Reader

Uncritical of what? I avoid talking about religion and politics with everyone (family, co-workers, acquaintance) for obvious reasons.

Ignoring those hot button issues, I still need to be careful not to be critical of people.

- At work I've had a co-worker nearly get fired for telling another she "doesn't know what she's talking about". He got "written up" but ended up finding a better job a short time later.

- At work I need to avoid certain words that might be viewed as a "micro aggression".

- I need to avoid offending certain family members or they'll start yelling or storm out. Some family members get super offended if you make any kind of suggestion on how they can fix a given problem.

- Around strangers I need to avoid anything that might piss someone off and have them retaliate with force. I once honked at a car for not moving during an advance green and he followed me for miles. (The guy was flashing his lights and flipping me off the whole time).

(Edit: Added line break for lists)

— Some family members get super offended if you make any kind of suggestion on how they can fix a given problem.

Some members of the species aren’t really looking for a fix when they are complaining about something but just need to vent. Life is much simpler if you simply nod and say “oh, that’s horrible”.

Yeah, that's the lesson I learned a long time ago. A lot of people interpret advice as criticism and some family members react badly to (what they consider to be) criticism.

>Life is much simpler if you simply nod and say “oh, that’s horrible”.

that's one way to simplify things, but I'm glad that altruistic individuals who actually want to lift a finger to help still exist; albeit rare.

> Some family members get super offended if you make any kind of suggestion on how they can fix a given problem

Unsolicited advice is generally offensive. If they wanted your advice on how to fix their problems they would ask you. If they don't and you go ahead anyway then you imply that you are superior to them and just come off as obnoxious.

>Unsolicited advice is generally offensive. If they wanted your advice on how to fix their problems they would ask you.

It is not generally offensive to offer a suggestion about how to solve a problem, what's offensive is abusing people time by rehearsing the same complaints over and over again while ignoring any kind of solution. If they whine constantly about a problem but never seek any way to solve it, it is just attention-seeking behavior.

>If they don't and you go ahead anyway then you imply that you are superior to them and just come off as obnoxious.

No. It implies that the person has already had the problem and solved it successfully or they have the knowledge to solve it successfully or they are trying to brainstorm what they would do.

After all it's the perception that counts.

From my experience the perception is usually rather negative. I think the reason for this is it's hard to impossible to have the full context which can include effort spent already on something as well as actual need and other information that is just not available to the other person.

I've generally found the interpretation you espouse to be looked upon quite favorably among engineers, and quite disliked among the general population. FYI.

Yes, although I think the set of professions that attracts fans of problem-solving is a bit larger than just engineers. I suspect many academic types (doctors, scientists, etc.) and many in construction fields (tradespeople, architects, etc.) tend to appreciate impromptu brainstorming as much as engineers. While this set doesn't constitute a majority of the general population, one might often find themselves in situations where it's a local majority more often than not, leading to a biased worldview.

There is a big difference between impromptu brainstorming on the job and turning every conversation about it into said brainstorming.

I know a lot of construction workers and lawyers (for some reason), and while lawyers like a good argument (and backstabbing) off client time, neither of the groups likes problem solving or doing the professional version outside of being paid for it. Well, except for some (usually broke) newbies anyway.

I wasn't even thinking about on the job, just the situation when someone at a party/gathering mentions a problem they're facing (personal or professional) and the recipients of this information can either limit their response to commiseration or let it expand into solving the problem. While appreciation for the latter isn't universal, I think it goes well beyond engineers.

I didn't want to make my post too log with details but one particular family member has a pretty over the top reaction. They'll start yelling and threaten to leave. I learned to never say things like, "you should" or "have you tried" to them. I'm good at not setting them off but my dad often has to stop my mom from giving advice or else this person will freak out.

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