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Comment by KaiserPro | Hacker News Reader

> not that uncommon among people with Asperger-like traits

Lets get one thing straight. If you are on the spectrum, the reason you act like this is because you don't understand that you are doing something wrong. Its a spectrum, normally around social interaction, and not understanding, or being able to pick up on the slow of social information.

However for most high functioning people it is possible, with work, to mitigate those "negative" qualities.

It is not an excuse to be a dick. What Elon is doing is a choice. He is perfectly capable of interacting with people enough to have a series of relationships with people without making them feel like shit. I would therefore postulate that whilst he might be on the spectrum, he has worked hard to mitigate it.

What Elon is, is a rich school boy.

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> Lets get one thing straight. If you are on the spectrum, the reason you act like this is because you don't understand that you are doing something wrong.

This might be a nitpick, I wouldn't describe it as an "understanding" problem. Usually we understand that there are social cues and what they mean (at least in the mild cases). The difference is in the strength of that signal.

It's like as if people have a warning indicator when doing things socially inept. Most folks seem to have a loud klaxon "You are being an ass! Stop that!". With ASD, it's more like a quiet "check engine" light that's easy to overlook.

If you never experience the social pressure to actively look for that indicator light (see exhibit E.), you never really build strong social graces. Or, maybe you just don't give a damn about masking, too tired, just not interested.

> Or, maybe you just don't give a damn about masking, too tired, just not interested.

I strongly feel this is the case with not only Musk, but a lot of high ranking "leaders"; I believe that you need an amount of ruthlessness, of indifference, an ability to turn off your morals to be in that position and get even richer. I mean just look at how he fucks his staff over and expects them to work ridiculous hours, bragging about how much he works (the difference being he gets paid for every second he is alive, while staff only gets paid for contract hours).

My 13 year old child reached this epiphany just this week (ADHD, not Aspergers). They told me "whenever I think about something, I am really interested in it but then I simply stop thinking about it and do something else." They were a little upset because they wanted to continue with those interesting activities. We had a nice long talk about reaching a maturity point where their active thoughts can control their impulses.

Yes, it is more complex than simply "mind over matter", but it's still an important development milestone.

(total tangent but i've had a couple moments like this with my kids. It's amazing to see, i love it)

> If you are on the spectrum, the reason you act like this is because you don't understand that you are doing something wrong.

completely untrue, nearly all autistic people I know including me are hyper-aware of social situations and specifically act in ways to avoid being a dick. this is a pop-psychology notion of autism.

Yeah, but that's because we spent our childhoods and young adulthoods dealing with the consequences of not understanding what we were doing wrong, and put effort into figuring out what we were doing wrong and fixing it.

Now, I don't think Musk never faced consequences when he was young, and never learned this stuff, but I do think he faces absolutely no consequences today, and is happy to not put in any effort.

Your last sentence resonates with me. I would add that he might consider different efforts he might make and determine that it wouldn't change the results. He might offend a different 2/3 of the audience and please a different 1/3 of the audience. So why exhaust yourself all the time when the outcome is arguably indistinguishable?

Somebody on the outside might see a big difference in result, say a 50% approval rating vs a 35% approval rating. But from the inside it can all look the same: "everybody hates me anyway" or "most people love me anyway".

> Now, I don't think Musk never faced consequences when he was young, and never learned this stuff, but I do think he faces absolutely no consequences today, and is happy to not put in any effort.

my late step-father would say this person needs an "ass-whoopin"

> the reason you act like this is because you don't understand that you are doing something wrong

No, it's actually because you don't think it's wrong in the first place.

I understand why people prefer to lie to protect other's emotions, or why people prefer being high-status rather than being right, but I disagree with that, I think it's wrong.

That's a false dichotomy - there is a whole range of options between 'lying to save someones feelings' and 'being rude'.

> If you are on the spectrum, the reason you act like this is because you don't understand that you are doing something wrong.

Sometimes, you know it’s wrong, at least at some level, but are so fucking tired of masking all the time you just do it anyway.

> but are so fucking tired of masking all the time you just do it anyway.

I feel like "masking" is being used for "be polite". I didn't decide to be rude, I decided not to mask my disability.

That is bullshit.

People on the spectrum may have a harder time understanding what is rude, and that may give some passes when you don't realize it. But if you decide to ignore what you've learned is rude, you're just an ass.

"Being polite" is emotional labor, whether or not that labor takes the form of "masking" a disability. While of course we should be respectful of those we engage with, avoidance of emotional labor should always take precedence over shallow notions of politeness that have nothing to do with actual respect for others.

> "Being polite" is emotional labor,

And "going to bathroom and not pissing on the floor" is physical labor. Even more so if you are on crutches.

I completely disagree with your artificial distinction between "being respectful to others" and "politeness". Politeness is defined as being respectful to others

We all benefit from a more polite interaction. To refuse to be polite because it requires effort is just taking advantage of the system without paying it back.

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