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I think this is a great observation, and I agree that it can't be attributed solely to cars.

This is a little bit of what I was trying to get at with the "dominant cultural metaphor": the US has undergone a fundamental cultural shift around strangers for the last 50-70 years. I attribute a decent amount of that to the alienation afforded to us by driving everywhere, but it has lots of other root causes: the steady erosion of local businesses in favor of chains, the professionalization of familial and community responsibilities, and (more recently) social media's affordance of cheap engagement.

And here's the thing: a lot of those root causes are good, or (at the very least) unavoidable! Our society is still pretty unjust, but it's a lot more just than when there was a uniform expectation that women stayed home and raised children. Social media poisons our discourse, but it's also made local organizing and event planning easier than ever.

> people would go out to the hallways of her apartment building to congregate and drink and hang out. This concept seems totally alien to me. I'm pretty sure if a resident tried congregating in the hallways of any of the buildings I've lived in, security would be called to clear them out.

This is what makes the USA society so impersonal and distant. Everyone is expected, even required, to quickly retire into their home and stay there unless on specific business of going somewhere. The USA has even invented a crime for the concept of being outside for no particular reason, "loitering".

Coming from latin america we joke (although wrapped in much sadness) that every fun social activity that's normal elsewhere, will trigger the riot police to show up in the USA. When I lived in an apartment I knew everyone in the building since we'd gather to drink and play games on the central hallway on Friday nights.

So no wonder it is difficult to get to know any neighbors in the USA, let alone the entire neighborhood. Which in turn makes it easier to not care about them, which I believe is the cause of most of the social and political ills of the USA.

Very little to do with cars. Where I grew up the public transport was between useless to nonexistent, so everyone drives everywhere. But people still have fun and hang out and party on the streets or apartment hallways.

> The USA has even invented a crime for the concept of being outside for no particular reason, "loitering".

This is actually from the English, and have been determined to be unconstitutional to prevent non-suspected people from loitering.

Nobody does it anymore, because the Internet has messed up human interaction patterns.

At least here in Ukraine. Well, in some cities they recently started to congregate in basements during air raid alerts, but that's hardly a positive thing. And I've heard that in Belarus, during 2020 protests, when the whole country got disconnected from the Internet for a couple of days, people really hanged out IRL much more.

A year ago, my wife and I moved from the Bay Area to rural Nevada. Within a week I found myself in some King of the Hill-esque group and now I stand around with neighbors drinking beers. I know basically everyone within 3 miles; back in the Bay I had that same apartment experience you had as did I when I was in the suburbs.

It’s led me to a theory that density limits interactions by excessive choice. We drive everywhere here (the OP original claim that was the alienator), but the entire county, 18,000 square miles, has 44,000 people in it and I see the same people at the gas station, the grocery store, the coffee shop, every time I go. So I still end up meeting people eventually just by routine.

It’s also weird how you can start to spot outsiders - the gas station I use has developed some weird social pattern that you always enter from the south and thus the cars always face the same way, so visitors don’t know that and you spot them.

My experience is similar to yours, but I wonder how it's different when you aren't "just passing through".

The way that we have structured the mix of movement-for-career and rental precarity (at the lower end) suggests that we disincentivize "putting down roots" in the way that normalizes that kind of behavior.

US apartment buildings are designed to maximize profits (rentable floorspace) and therefore contain no communal spaces, no seating. There are no stairs except dark cramped fire escapes. Some elevators are configured to prevent people from meeting. Many modern buildings are also too big to know most of your neighbors and feel part of a community.

Additionally, large leasing companies set rents to maximize profits, at the cost of turnover. It's hard to feel part of a community when people are constantly leaving and new people arriving. Residents can't feel like they belong when they expect to be priced out and forced to move in a year or two.

Capitalism produces efficient allocation of capital, but not maximum citizen quality of life.

USA needs housing coops like there are in Denmark: https://stories.coop/stories/kab-how-cooperative-housing-wor...

I've toured a bunch of apartment buildings in a major city and the nicer ones often had people using the communal study areas, game rooms, lounges, fitness centers, and roof decks.

Obviously there's a cost to provide that and it's one many are willing to pay.

I've visited many expensive buildings in SF and lived in several. Those buildings do have study areas and lounges. But those places are never cozy and never designed to help people interact. They are often in a separate area or floor, away from the main entrance. The lounge areas are separated for multiple groups to use without interfering with each other. Furniture is heavy, expensive, and hideous. Tables are heavy or unmovable. There are no coffee tables. Music blares.

Architecture & design that fosters community will have a space for eating and socializing near the main entrance. When you enter or or exit the building, you can see who is there and walk over to say hello. The space will be cozy, clean, with warm lighting, good ventilation, movable chairs & tables, and no music or TV. There will be a sink with hand soap & paper towels, a microwave oven, and a hot water kettle. And a clean toilet around the corner.

I would be willing to pay for that, but so far no company has had the imagination to offer it. There's a similar lack of hot-desk co-working spaces that are suitable for coding. I would love to pay for that, too, but it doesn't exist. I've spoken with many co-working space managers and none have shown interest in making it happen.

Supporting your point, in many hotels the bar/restaurant area is visible from the lobby, which naturally invites people it to have a drink or a bite to eat. But its rare to find this architecture in apartment buildings.

This is why I loved an old Victorian-era house I once lived in, which had been converted into four apartment units. We all shared the large, deep wraparound front porch, and thus we'd occasionally gather for drinks. And neighbors would drop by, too. I miss that place.