First off, Norman wasn't schooled at Apple, he basically created the HCI guidelines with Nielsen. Apple's design guidelines have long been based o years what Norman worked on so you have it the other way around.
In no part of the book does it say that engineers shouldn't be part of the design process. What the book advocates is that if engineers are entrusted with design, they should at least understand the users and design their products based on their needs and for the users. Anyone can be a designer, anyone can apply design thinking. No one is excluded.
And your comment about error codes, I would always say that an error message is more useful than an error code. You say that you would Google the code, wouldn't it be more useful if you could just read the actual error code and figure out what went wrong without habing to look it up first somewhere else?
What Norman advocates for is to help the users help themselves, show the state of the application and don't hide things behind error codes.
Again, silently failing is definitely not recommended by the book or anyone really so if thats been your experience with Apple, it's not because they follow the teachings of Norman's book, it's because they _don't_ follow it.