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So i need to find someone who's fit, normal weight, and happy and steal their poop?

Step one start johnslist.

Step two pretend to be a 6'6" Olympian fit to leave 100 years and die a barely aged god with great hair in Indiana Jonesque adventure.

Step three omitted for grossness.

Step four profit!

South Park satirized this, where Tom Brady’s stool was treated just like the Spice from Dune.

Theft is often unethical; you could simply buy the poop.