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32 is too late to get married and start a family? C'mon, you're still so young and have plenty of time to do all that stuff and more.

Meh, it depends, but you're generally right. If you waste your 20s on inane technical achievement and ladder climbing, then you haven't spent time figuring out how to form healthy personal connections, or on the extreme end, you might be a total asshole and nobody's told you because they couldn't care less to burden themselves with someone who only cares about their job. If I didn't have a few different relationship experiences, I wouldn't be in a healthy one now. If you get it right the first time, you're very lucky. So you better start now, otherwise the prospect of starting a family might literally be out of reach within 5 to 10 years, though the marriage thing, if you want that, is always possible.

At the moment, I'm a bit younger than 32, but I almost consider relentless tech grinding to represent a silly sort of immaturity, or at least a bit confusing. As in "You seriously haven't found something else to do with the little spare time you have?", not that I'd say that.

Yeah, I met my now wife at that age.

Reading this was like holding up a mirror. I’m also 32 and recently realized i need to learn how to spend a healthy amount of time away from a screen.

Getting stuck in “career” mode consumed the majority of the last decade. Self taught is not an easy path, but my life is much better than it would have been had i continued what i was doing before getting into tech.

Now i just want to play an instrument and sit outside. :)

Your decision wasn't the worst thing assuming you actually enjoy what you do. In contrast, one of the most tragic mistakes anyone can make is working that hard for technical excellence, having the talent, but then realising after many years that they actually dislike or even hate the work.

For the reasons above, I think it's crucial that people take extended breaks every few years to really think about whether they enjoy what they're doing, or if they're just doing it because they have the ability and otherwise kind of fell into a certain path.

Good insight thank you. I fell into a profession that I could do. I still don't know if I like it but I made it my own and there are certain aspects I like.

> Now at 32, I see my peers all married with families and personal lives.

Most people I know, if they are even married, are having kids around 35 after getting married in early 30s.

> if you really want this and have the aptitude to reach the top, it will consume you.

That's with many things, not just with a tech career. Jordan Peterson* mentions this many times: there are people that just work for the sake of working and then become miserable.

* I do not endorse every opinion of him, but I find this opinion of his great food for thought. I especially have issues with his Christian and conservative side. He's one of the few people that can break my filter bubble while I can also listen with interest to what he has to say.

> Life is full of decisions, and unfortunately attaining excellence requires commitment, dedication, and focus. You can do alright otherwise, but if you really want this and have the aptitude to reach the top, it will consume you.

I think you've decided that you don't want a family/etc. any time soon. No problem with that. But the other side of life that isn't about work requires lots of commitment, dedication, and focus. It doesn't work well if you don't put in the time and the effort.

So, I'll add one word to your list of excellence-attaining requirements: balance. You'll need it if you ever want more than just work. And you also might realize that a singular focus on one thing is not worth as much as you thought. I don't think you made the better decision among the potential universe, you just made a different decision.

Curious to hear more from you about what you want beyond work.

I don't see what's wrong with doing this as long as it's what you're into. Not everyone needs or wants to get married and have kids in their 30s. Coding can be more fun than talking to people.

That said, it's simply not true that getting to a senior staff-level, or even director-level, position in tech requires busting your ass with 996 and no personal life. It might take a few extra years, or switching jobs a few times, but the higher end of the ladder is one with extremely diminishing returns on your personal time input. In certain positions your value is your ability to pattern match with previous experience, and such experience won't come to you any faster when you sit at the computer for a few more hours.

And if you go past that, into the c-suite, it's full of people who have a lengthy resume/connections and leave work at 4pm to go pick up their kids.

I see a bunch of other comments about being able to have a family from this age etc etc.

I agree with your comment really. It doesn't say anything about future potential or paths you could go down. Simply that to get where you have you had to act a certain way.

I know not your intents. If you like where you are, good job. If not, act different to get different.

At this point I’m ready to wait until it’s too late for anything else and just re-dedicate myself to something interesting.