Hacker News Reader

Is this really any different from other social interactions? We all have different selves we present to our families, coworkers, social club associates, exercise groups, bar buddies, significant others. Your comment seems to imply that there's a binary "real person" and "Twitter person", and it's never been that simple. We wear many hats and many faces. All social interaction is compartmentalized.

The difference is in orders of magnitude. The term 'breaking bread" comes to mind. People have been sharing meals and playing games with each other since time immemorial, because you can see their personality shine through in real time in doing activities together, than you can via simple correspondence where people can collect their thoughts and put forward the personality they want to simulate online.

IRL you can't fake it forever.

> The only 'REAL" people I met online were either focused niche/small subreddits or gaming communities.

I've found gaming communities (and I've been in many) to be excessively toxic. You can meet good people there, but I've found it's not worth the headache.

I do agree with your observation. It is generally difficult to find a non-toxic gaming community. This was actually a battlefield group, which brought a lot of older folk. In the 20 years of gaming (jesus, can't believe it has been that long). I have only found a few good communities.

Some are toxic, some are cliquey, some are too established to do anything in. If it isn't a PvP game, odds are you missed the boat if you don't hop on in the first 1-2 weeks of its introduction (or for MMOs / games with long lifespans, a major patch), or you have to really stand out in something (skill, fanart, whatever).

I like games, but the ease of getting into a community is nowhere near as low as some people like to sell it as. Especially today. Even if they aren't toxic in the obvious sense, it often feels like a minefield navigating these communities without upsetting someone, getting dogpiled or anything.

The only ones I've really been fond of are groups where the members are also mostly in-person friends as well. So everyone knows what the others are truly like.

To be honest, maybe it's a terrible idea, but I do try to bring my "real self" to the internet and not some crafted personality. I never put up anything I wouldn't tell someone in person. I don't act different than I do in person.

I do not think this is a terrible idea. Games such as league of legends feel dramatically different when I play with friends in real life.

One strange thing is that as my age grows my preference for multiplayer game changes from "competitive" to "coop".

Toxicity seems to correlate with size of the gaming community. I rarely have any issues when I join sub-groups to an interest, but trying to have casual conversation in a major subreddit/discord for a game is impossible.

I've always had a feeling that toxicity is a function of community size.

Like in small online communities, you get to know the trolls and it's oddly endearing. You see their personality and everybody gets to know them and their trolling doesn't even derail discussion at that point it just makes everyone laugh.

Truly toxic individuals can also be booted. When a community reaches a certain size there is just an unrelenting deluge of anonymous trolls and toxic individuals, nobody can keep up.

PVP related communities tend to be like that and there is little way to get around that. And I say that as a person who ran such communities.

Try RP gaming communities. By that I don't mean that hardcore RP communities or anywhere you have to do actual RP. Just the 'RP' tag in a mmo server weeds out assholes, pricks etc and ensures that there is a high age average in the server. The Wow Eu RP server I have been playing for years keeps getting 'immigrants' from US servers and PVP servers all the time. They escape the aggressive and toxic environments by moving to RP servers. They don't do RP, they just play and join raids and other activities.

Really depends on the type of game. Niche minecraft servers often have great communities. Small games that aren't PVP focused can be great. FFXIV has some great communities as well. It's definitely out there, but you gotta know where to look.

> The problem with Twitter, and other social media where people use their real name and photo is that in fact people are NEVER going to be themselves. People want to show their best to the world.

The currently trending social media app for younger generations is BeReal, which basically prompts everyone to take a selfie at the same time of the day, with a two minute timer to do so. No filters, and it shows the image from both cameras.

It's somewhat refreshing to see people on the bus, cooking, laying on the couch playing video games, or doing all kinds of other mundane things as opposed to a perfectly manicured feed. It's not amenable to making new connections due to it not allowing messages between unconnected users, and it's not clear if it's just a fad, but it's a somewhat welcome change in the space.

> The currently trending social media app for younger generations is BeReal

Never heard this in my entire life.

And it would just be mu computer screen and my face.

SQL tables/crappy code and my sad face.

To talk about the connection you had with that person. I think that's is exactly why it is so special to meet with people online is that you can open up fearlessly and have very deep exchange super quickly while still being total stranger. So you get theses very unique interaction you'll most likely never have irl. It's quite common i believe. It happened to me and i know other people it happened to them as well.

I think it's interesting that on website/apps designed for dating and meeting, all the exchange i had were very poor and shallow, the best place for me was actually lastfm before it became a ghost town.

> I have not been able to connect with anyone like this IRL

Perhaps learn to be non-judgemental, and learn to show that too. Social status signalling and ranking prevents most people from being honest. To learn how you could try: (1) to have friends that are non-judgemental and model your behaviour from them, (2) hang out in places where status is less important and honesty is more valued. This has worked for me, even though I am not a good listener and have some other social deficits. Note that it is very tricky to train yourself to be non-judgemental: our social ranking and signalling is hidden from ourselves in so many of our behaviours.

For years I have wanted to make a profile on some of the big social networks that were intentionally (for comedic purposes) the absolute WORST I could possibly make myself out to be. My profile photo could be me in a torn up 3 piece suit passed out in a bush - my job something ridiculously awful - etc etc

Takes like this sound to me like:

"The problem with visiting New York City is that everyone you meet is fake."

One case see how someone could easily come away with that impression, but also, it's just silly on its face. It's all just going to be highly dependent on "the how," and frankly, also luck.