Birthing Furniture: An Illustrated History

The Blonsky “Apparatus for Facilitating the Birth of a Child by Centrifugal Force.”

Wow, I always thought this was a joke or the product of artistic license, like the euthanasia roller coaster. Apparently not.

I spoke with a mother of three, who had some opinions on the matter.

She gave me the impression that most "mainstream" things about birthing are designed for the convenience of the medical professionals rather than the welfare of the child or the mother.

For example, the lying on the back with legs spread position is totally unnatural, according to her, not to mention induced labor.

She had her first child "by the book", and her third at home with a doula, with the second somewhere in between.

Everything from cutting the umbilical cord prematurely to slapping the baby to force them to breathe (because they're no longer getting oxygen from the prematurely cut umbilical cord) is violent and traumatic and conveyor-belt-like.

She told me that it has been reflected in her childrens' personalities, with her youngest being by far the most calm, empathetic, and non-violent.

Giving birth meets some bizarre dystopian engineering nightmare. I've never been so viscerally relieved before to be post menopausal.