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Comment by claytongulick | Hacker News Reader

I'm somewhere between 5' 7" and 5' 8".

I've experienced the "filter" issue with online dating, but my conclusions are entirely different.

I really don't mind it, in fact I appreciate it.

Anyone who would filter me out over something as shallow as height would undoubtedly be an extraordinarily poor match for me.

I prefer quality over quantity.

As to the "die alone" thing - that seems a bit grim.

I'm 46, since age 14 when I actively started dating the longest I've been single was for about 3 months after a bad break-up, and that was by choice.

Sure, when you don't have a height advantage you have to make it up in other ways - personality, fitness level, professional success, etc...

In general, I think my relatively modest stature has been a benefit to me. It forced me to be a better person, and to focus on qualities that matter, rather than superficial things.

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I knew there would be answers of the style 'I'm short and Im great with girls' yes, but you are only a data point. I'm talking here of statistics, and in general short guys have it bad, according to online dating sites. You can easily do an experiment with a fake profile and see it yourself.

Is that what I said?

I acknowledge that there's a difference and that it needs to be made up for in other ways.

Everyone has challenges. Tall people, minorities, gay people, short people, poor people, rich people... the list is endless.

We all have challenges.

We shouldn't measure ourselves by our challenges. We should measure ourselves by the effort we put in to overcome.

When I see a handicapped person climb a mountain, the thing I find extraordinary isn't the handicap, it's the phenomenal effort to transcend.

I don't have anything close to those problems. I'm just a bit vertically challenged.

I'll be double damned if I'm going to let that hold me back, or bemoan how unlucky I am because of it.

You're missing the point; not all of those guys are engaging in the kinds of self-improvement and development that could help them have experiences similar to the person to whom you are responding.

For an individual short guy, the quantitative info out there is only detrimental. At best, it's useless. They need a qualitative focus.

Many are and they still struggle greatly.

The problem with this mindset is that it sort of punishes woman for a perception thrust upon them since childhood. If you think its possible to meet some of these woman and convince them to say “I’m glad I took a chance despite your short stature because it turned out I don’t mind it at all” then I think it’s worthwhile to “help them see the light.” Plus, since this is a societal problem primarily it means you’d also be filtering out a lot of woman simply for the fault of having not enough experience in dating.

That is a very confusing comment to me.

I'm punishing women who are rejecting me?

I honestly don't even know how to parse or think about that.

Are they entitled to date me, even though they've communicated a clear preference not to, and I'm somehow punishing them by not convincing them that, no I'm a really great guy, really...?

Or is it that I'm such a valuable gem that these helpless women who, through no fault of their own are deeply attracted to tall, dark and handsome, must be rescued from that to date me, short, old and bald - because ... ?

Honestly, I really don't get it.

Everything isn't a societal problem. Some people value certain physical characteristics. Those people tend to be a terrible match for me.

I'm happier with people who value my humor, personality and the way I treat them.

It's not any more complicated than that.

It’s a very good thing to get some early wins in your youth. The longer it takes to start dating, the harder it becomes.

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