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Comment by samjanis | Hacker News Reader

Nice list. Some hit the spot, others miss. Not sure if the author is trying to be funny with points 7 and 8:

> Anything you say before the word “but” does not count.

> When you forgive others, they may not notice, but you will heal. Forgiveness is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves.

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I don't think he is trying to be funny.

Here are a few examples:

- "I believe in free speech, but some opinion are too abhorrent to be protected." -> the person actually does not believe in free speech.

- "I am sorry I reacted like this, but they went too far" -> the person is not sorry.

"but" expresses conflict, nuances and compromises. Life is not simple and our thoughts, actions and feelings are often not rational or in line with each other, there for dismissing anything before "but" is a way of actively not listening.

- "I believe in free speech, but some opinion are too abhorrent to be protected." -> Maybe free speech should not allow people to slander, extort, abuse people? Or at least not give them a jail free card.

- "I am sorry I reacted like this, but they went too far" -> This person can indeed feel sorry and feel somewhat justified, because maybe both parties involved did something worth being sorry for.

By the look of it, what this reply is saying is how point 7 describes the negating qualities of "but", while the point immediately following it uses the said word.

So I wouldn't say funny, just inconsistent.

Forgiveness definitely heals your heart more than it helps the other person.

Have you ever hung out with someone who's been nursing a grudge for a long time? How's that like?

The clearest example of that first one being genuinely good advice is in apologies.

"I'm sorry I was late" is an apology. "I'm sorry I was late but ..." is not.

Point 7 is not meant to be funny at all. It’s called Non-violent communication.

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