In tweaking a few compiz settings, through their config GUI, I managed to crash compiz hard enough to need to reboot several times.
Unity itself is incompatible with Desktop Cube for some reason, and trying to force it just breaks everything. (I like Desktop because it seems to be a more reliable desktop switcher, anecdotally.) I don't mean "force it" like changing the config directly. I mean "force it" like pressing the button that asks if I really want to activate it.
So I tried out Gnome 3 for the first time. It tries so hard to LOOK like OS X, yet it winds up being way worse than either OS X or Gnome 2.
Maybe I'll try Kubuntu. Or Linux Mint. Or just keep trying to like this new crap. I don't know.