Tell HN: I'm an Imposter

First off, I'm no hacker, in any sense of the word. I work a warehouse job at a university bookstore and pack boxes all day. And I literally can't code anything, period. At home, my "tech set up" is a $250 Chromebook, a $30 Bluetooth speaker, and an old budget Android phone. But maybe we can look past the tech stuff.

Perhaps more relevant (and more problematic), is that I can't actually keep up with most of the discussions on here. 99% of the links on HN, I have no idea what it's talking about. And of the comments posted, I can maybe make sense of only a fraction, and I certainly don't understand enough to participate in any meaningful way.

Heck, I don't even browse the web anymore. Which means I have no links to submit, either.

So what am I left with? Asking a crapload of generic Ask-HNs. One to two a day for the past month, in fact.

So, why am I here?

Because in real life, I'm surrounded by people who are boring and uncritical. And even if the individuals themselves are not, the social norm certainly is (in my world, at least).

It's easy to go along to get along with everyone: I can be one of the friendliest people! While having no friends.

I'm admittedly not a "naturally smart/intelligent" person (trust me on this one), but I am a very curious soul, and I love to learn, love to think.

But the more I embrace my intellectual self, the more disconnected I feel from the rest of the world. The more my mind grows, the more it dies from loneliness.

So why am I here, posting all these Ask HNs? Obviously, to surround myself with like-minds (or more accurately, smarter minds), to fill the void that was becoming increasingly unbearable.

And I'm so glad I'm here. I've never felt this happy, this alive. To be seen, to be taken seriously. But in the back of my mind, I know I'm overly excited, maybe even obsessed. All the while realizing that I'm most likely making a fool out of myself, my naive, childish, attention-seeking self.

Do I belong here? Am I welcomed here? Maybe I can ask that on Ask HN? And what, die of embarrassment? Or, more likely, I'll just get pity points and sympathy reassurance. But how will I know what you all really think?

...

I think it's time for a break. Most likely won't be posting any more Ask HNs for a while. But I'll probably still poke around and lurk a bit. And I'm definitely still open to emails and hanging out on Discord. Feel free to reach out as usual.

Thank you all so so much for having me. Thank you for all your advice and wisdom. Thank you for being honest and constructive. Thank you for the generosity and support. It's been a blast. :))

Much love, Sam