Well guess what?
They both have ridiculous issues that have made them both unsuitable for any form of serious application when scaled up to the tens of millions or even hundreds of millions. Even the very least of all use-cases: Extremely cheap, fast and scalable on-chain payment systems using a blockchain for regular users to use.
> The entire point of the Bitcoin network is to impose a global, unique order on all transactions and the only way to do that is if order within blocks matters.
Yes. The whole point of Bitcoin is to be a peer-to-peer electronic cash system using a transparent ledger where everyone can see the transactions on-chain. Not a 'store of value' or 'digital gold'.
Everyone knows on-chain payments with Bitcoin are too slow for realistically accepting payments in the real world and places like supermarkets, restaurants, etc unless you want to wait hours in the queue for it to settle or fail. Given it's even slower than VisaNet, you might as well go to the ATM and withdraw cash using card to pay; even that is quicker.
By that time, Bitcoin's volatility would already have caused the recipient to have a fluctuating price on the paid-for product, causing the sender to at worst under-pay for the value of their goods regardless. Using the Lightning Network also defeats the purpose of what Bitcoin was supposed to be as that is centralized by design and the transactions are off-chain without a trace anywhere to find it [0].
The whole point of Ethereum is to be the 'world's computer' and a smart contract platform with utility. Instead, it has turned into a digital slot machine with its problematic high fees when usage skyrockets and regular users that aren't millionaires can't use it at all, unless they'd like to spend $1000 to send $10. The network also can't even scale either so admittedly, users have to use duck-taped layer 2 systems that confuse them to even bother using them to save on fees.
Waiting years for ETH on PoS (ETH2) to launch isn't an option, as that was promised in 2016 to release by then, yet here we are 6 years later it's delayed once again. [1] No-one would tell users or even merchants to wait half a decade for a single product with years of known issues to get better in order to just use it. They will just look elsewhere instead.
The reality is, both of them have failed and deviated from their intended purpose and are not designed to scale for on-chain activities and both of them require 'layer 2' contraptions which at most are centralized themselves and highly complicate the usage for many users to even bother using it.
What a shame and a total proof of waste.
[0] https://iopscience.iop.org/article/10.1088/1367-2630/aba062
[1] https://twitter.com/TimBeiko/status/1514010098145759232