There is a lot of advice being giving here. What works for one person may work for another, and frankly, it may not.
You already have the wisdom required to live a fulfilling life within. Truly believing this and discovering this wisdom is often not easy, as it appears you have already discovered.
All I can say is that the process of deeply getting to know myself has been a lot of work and absolutely worth it for me. It's a journey that I feel I will be on for the rest of my life. And it's f*cking wonderful.
I'm a developer as well, and a relatively new coach, though I'm not currently practicing due to other prior commitments. Therapy is wonderful. So is coaching. Both can go hand in hand.
Feel free to reach out to me if you'd like to have a deeper conversation (same username on Twitter).