These are classic manipulation tricks of narcissists.
And the fact that she allows herself to engage in a 6 hour argument during workdays knowing or not caring that it will absolutely fuck up your entire focus and ability to concentrate for days and bring you closer and closer to burnout and not being able to actually work speaks volumes on how much she cares about you and what she is after in these relationships in general.
She doesn't want an equal she wants a servant. She wants a slave. Both physically and emotionally. Every second... She defines the rules of the game and you obey and play. It's a given. Your whole life with her is her play...
Ugh... I say F that life.
You need to celebrate the day you dodged that bullet. Not everyone has a mental courage to throw those human-sized parasites out of their lives.
People can live 40 years blaming themselves for not satisfying narcissists enough, they reshape their whole identities and morale in the process trying to shove themselves into a shape that will hopefully satisfy ever evolving demands of a narc and never getting satisfied with their lives in the process or becoming self-enclosed philosophers but in most cases just plain miserable...
They finally divorce, while the narcissist will happily jump onto the next victim berating and destroying the personality of the previous victim ignoring the fact that that person's whole life and identity was a sacrifice on the altar of the "wants" of a literal demon.
It's a vicious cycle.
Narcissists should be pariahs in any social circle. Their ability to deliver huge amounts of damage and mess somebody up mentally for years is so underrated that I believe whoever comes in contact with such a person has an obligation to not only immediately jump out of that relationship but also warn others about that person.
Just like coming in contact with COVID you tell others around you about the danger, you should do exactly the same about narcissists.
I wish you all the best and hope now you are more than well equipped to spot these creatures.
And don't forget to transfer the knowledge to your children to break the circle.