I struggle with this myself. At the risk of sounding misogynistic: How come it’s always women who can’t deal with these “minor irritations”?
I’ve never heard from any of my male friends complaining in this tack.
My own father is the perfect example of a man who cannot deal with these minor irritations. My mother complies with his requests and their relationship is maintained.
If you read the article, it's not that the irritation is minor. Of course it's a very small task. The issue is that the (often male) partner never chooses to act differently for the sake of their partner. If it isn't difficult to do the task, why don't you just do it? If your wife asks you to put the dishes in the dishwasher, why don't you just do it? It's not hard and will make her happy.
Obviously some people will have very unreasonable standards/requests. However, I think it's more common that one partner repeatedly refuses to do anything differently for the sake of their partner, argues about it, and then wonders why their relationship is so bad.
Everybody gets annoyed by something. Men and women. Couples fight. Most of them a lot. Shit, in my apartment building I hear them fight all the time.
When I say I’m ready to leave, that means I could be in the car in 30 seconds. When my wife says she is ready to leave, that means she’s ready to start getting ready to leave. I’ve learned just to pad 20 minutes into departure times.
In my current relationship, I used to complain about my partner never doing the dishes. I eventually stopped giving a shit because I realized I created most of them and it really wasn't much more effort to do a few more. And generally just realized the way to fix most problems is to just fix them.
What else do I have to go by than my own personal experience? Self help book? You have no idea what weight my sample has given the constant emotional and physical abuse I have to deal with.
Here, the commenter is saying it's their experience that women are more easily annoyed by "little things." Perhaps you've had the opposite experience, where your male friends complain non-stop about their female partner's annoying little habits?
2. Women have to deal with the pressure of feminism. For example: I like to cook. I love feeding people and don’t think of it as chore that oppressed women, but I have friends who will not cook(and I know they don’t hate cooking) because they have to make a feminist point.
3. I grew up in India and there is a very vibrant food culture. To be able to cook well is a feather in the cap. It is not so in the states and after I moved here, I was amazed that even those who absolutely loved cooking back home were acting like kitchen work was slavery.
4. Again from an Indian immigrant perspective: There is a weird resistance to obtaining hired help in America. Even middle class homes have hired help in India. These days, even in the states, Indian households will pay someone to help with laundry or cutting vegetables for cooking or just household help.
After apps like Nextdoor etc have come up, it’s easier to find help. Interestingly, the house help is often other women in the same neighborhood who want to make a few extra bucks. But I don’t think it’s about the money as everyone is usually in the same social strata in any neighbour hood. It’s about company.
5. Women need female company. We are just slightly different looking female apes. Women need to be social with those they don’t compete with..and girlfriends are always competing. It’s hideous living 24/7 with men. In nuclear families, there are no other female figures. I grew up with a large extended joint family. We had 3-4 generations of women under one roof. There is an age based hierarchy.
6. Contrast that to modern nuclear families with only one adult head female. For working women, it’s worse because they have to go to work and compete with both men and women. There was clear division of labour and enough people to carry out the tasks in my large joint family.
7. Speaking for myself and specifically about kitchens: The kitchen is my domain in my house. It is a matter of control because it is a matter of pride. Because I am the one who is cooking, if I don’t have a kitchen that is organized, I can’t do my job properly. I expect the knives, glasses and cutlery, spice jars and plates to be where I expect them to be…when I cook I am not thinking, I am ‘reaching’ for that familiar nook where I expect to find the salt or the spoon. Cooking is fast and involves heat. I don’t have time to scuttle about looking for things or dinner would be burnt.
It is the same with a chef in any professional kitchen. My 2c.
my understanding is that in india you don't even show intimacy in front of your children, so this part is very much limited to your bedroom. which means the hired help is rarely going to be a problem. in western culture intimacy is more open, and any stranger around becomes a disruption.
it is also a cost issue. i don't know about the US but hired help in europe is a lot more expensive. in germany for example you'd even have to pay for their insurance so the average middle income family simply can't afford it.
to give you an example, i have heard from an indian friend that they would not touch their husband in front of their kids. no holding hands, hugging or kissing of any kind. i don't know if that is common in indian culture. i am not trying to generalize.
the point that matters is that i feel very restrained in how i act when our housekeeper is present.
House help isn’t around 24 hours/day. Just like you wouldn’t be intimate with your partner in front of your boss, I guess it’s the same with someone you employ?
Eventually one day he flipped out over them. We have come to an unpleasant compromise. Once a month, he gives me a week notice, he's going to throw it all out, and then he does. I've come to accept it, since there isn't much he gets bothered by otherwise.