Not just deference. They crashed without ever declaring an emergency. Ultimately, ATC could have been better - but that was a pilot CRM issue.
The problem was that they didn't know the right phrases to declare an emergency. They kept saying "we're running out of fuel, sir". But meant they had not enough to go around.
Though I do agree that good airmanship would have been to tell ATC no and land the plane. A pilot may do that if lives are at risk.