Ask HN: Does anyone else get obsessively attached to things/people? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Does anyone else get obsessively attached to things/people?

5 pointssamh7486 comments

For me it happens when I care too much about other people's reaction, judgment, or just attention in general. And I mean obsessed like a real addiction.

Right now as I'm typing this my body is shaking and my mind is locked onto a recent Ask HN post I started about something personal [0]. My heart and mind are racing wondering if people are going to see it, how they're gonna react, etc. And now I'm also doing the same in anticipation of this one.

This attachment can be a negative, anxious worrying, or it can be a euphoric high if it's positive (eg a well received HN post). Either one, I get completely fixated on it, become extremely erratic, and would act impulsively, doing things that can have detrimental effects, including neglecting real responsibilities (eg risk being late for work because I had to reply to something).

I get it when I try to contact classmates hoping to make friends. The feeling is actually worst when I don't get any response, because then my mind starts wondering about all the possible reasons for the silence.

I know I've had childhood trauma linked with neglect, and I'm pretty sure I have the avoidant attachment style. I also recently found out about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (linked to ADHD). I definitely have this.

I used to get separation anxiety when my relationship was shaky, but that's all gone now because the relationship is much much better and stable.

Recently I've been more active in trying to make friends, and have become more involved in certain communities (like HN). So I'm suddenly experiencing a lot of this and I'm just kinda shocked that it's still happening.

Does anyone else experience this level of intensity regarding attachments? How did you cope?

[0]: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30952648

Yes, obsessive attachment is something many people experience. I don't have the level of nervous attachment that you do, but:

1) today I experienced a gut wrenching disappointment because I might not get a job I wanted yet. The intense part lasted a few minutes but I'm still sad about it a few hours later.

2) Relationships or the lack thereof I have also become obsessed with. The thing is, that obsession is always about things that aren't healthy for me, not things that are healthy.

Overall, the best thing I can recommend is use your health insurance and get a therapist.

Thanks for sharing that. It really does help.

I have a theory that I feel most reassured when the people I look up to also share the experience (ie I'm not any less-than for it, and I still have potential despite it), like people on HN, including yourself! because you gave me awesome responses in my other Ask HN regarding my interest in many disciplines! By the way, I asked you another question [], regarding writing, if you don't mind :)

[]: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30942336

Oh wow, I didn't realize that. Hi again :)

I gave you a response.

I kindly suggest you go see a therapist.

I reiterate the advice I gave in the other thread. It sounds as if a lot of your anxiety is due to being unsure whether what you're doing is OK. That anxiety can be alleviated if you establish more certainty about your direction by learning to recognize the goodness in yourself and cultivating it so that it gets bigger and stronger and shines through into your life more brightly.

Do you see what I mean? If, when I walk down the street, I have a strong feeling of kindness for everyone I see, a feeling that naturally makes me have a big genuine smile, do you think it bothers me if people think I have bad posture, or don't approve of my clothes, or whatever else? Having a daily practice where I make contact with my goodness and do something to help it grow gives me certainty that my direction is good. If other people still think badly of me for some superficial reason, it just seems like they're blind to what's important, and overly concerned with trifles.

Thank you again for your kind advice.

That's a good point, regarding my uncertainty and whether others share the experience. Your comment has made me realize that I feel most reassured when the people I look up to also share the experience (ie I'm not any less-than for it, and I still have potential despite it). While I am still looking at others, at least now I understand my own inner lack and can now work towards it more constructively. :)

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