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Comment by danuker | Hacker News Reader

> “Afraid to meet you on my own” is not a valid reason.

Sure it is. Maybe you're about to meet an ex who used to beat you.

This is outside the context of the example though. Here the author has accepted an invitation to a dinner party where she's meeting the hosts for the very first time. I think part of becoming an adult is mastering, or at least masking, social anxiety of participating in new interactions. That's because there's no way to know whether you will like or dislike the other person until you actually talk to them. Only kids throw tantrums and back out because they're too shy or too immature. Adults don't have that luxury. That's the thrust of the author's position.

right, but the thing is that the situation has changed. if i am invited to a party where i don't know anyone except the one person that invited me and then that very person has to cancel at the last minute, i might consider not to go. it has been said elsewhere in this thread it depends on whether this is an opportunity for me to grow or not and whether that benefit outweighs the cost.

This isn’t about growth but rather about social etiquette. In this case, although your friend is the reason you attend, it is the host who has officially invited you to the party. Now, the invite and acceptance are between you and the host directly and social etiquette requires a clear communication in case of a cancellation.

From the host’s perspective, you are still attending until you cancel. Of course people do the social calculus all the time and can choose to bail without notice. It’s been done for centuries, but is considered poor form in most circumstances except emergencies. In almost all cases a “sorry, I am unable to make it tonight,” is usually sufficient.

Of course if the host never officially invited you in the first place and you were simply tagging along, there is no social obligation and you are free to do as you please.

i was only talking about the decision not to go, i didn't mean to imply that it would not include a notice to the host.

One shouldn't attend such an event.

Unless its necessary like custody exchange of children or similar required event.

Yes, sure. But we were talking about social events.

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