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> When you presume a feeling for someone else, you're robbing them of their own agency.

Yes! I've done that too often, tiptoeing around things trying to game out all the possible ramifications. It's far better to simply try to:

* know your needs/desires

* communicate them

* ask about theirs

* handle the consequences

Even though it is straightforward, it may not be easy.

This is pretty close to the basic tenets of Nonviolent Communication:

This book has and continues to change the way I communicate with others. Its sitting on my desk now. Empathy and Honesty, what a beautiful dance.

And I’d add - trust them to handle the consequences of your communication as well.

If it turns out they’re cool about it, what wonderful feedback for you about their reliability and understanding of you.

If it turns out they react badly, at least it’s feedback to ask yourself whether they’re worth that kind of trouble in the future.

If they’re passive aggressive about it - well, shame on them, and be very careful.